Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break my bones

but words will never hurt me.

We've heard this a million times, right? But it's far from true. Words do hurt. Some so deeply the scars last a lifetime. Even after forgiveness is offered, we can't help but remember.

Sometimes words shape us, mold us into what we are today. It seems the ones who make the biggest impact on us are those closest to us - specifically family. There are few words from others that I remember. And even if I do, they didn't make me who I am today.

How will I affect my family? Do my words build them up as Ephesians 4:29 tells me?

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Do I speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15)? Or do I criticize?

Do I correct and discipline because it is in my children's best interests? Or because it is in my best interest or out of frustration? Or do I correct at all and instead ignore issues of the heart because it's too much work and I'm busy with something else?

What about my husband? Do I bring him good and not harm (Prov. 31:12)? Am I a suitable helper to him (Gen 2:18)? Suitable with my attitude and words as well as with my actions?

What about tone? What do I convey in my tone of voice - love and patience or aggravation and selfishness?

I have been hurt with words (mostly unintentionally) far worse than I've ever been hurt physically. I too have hurt others with my words. Which is what has shaped my view of the importance of teaching my children not to hurt others with their words.

Part of my action plan is teaching them to appreciate each others' differences. God made everyone with different personalities, temperaments, gifts, talents, abilities, likes and dislikes. And how creative He was! I point out how great it is that we are all so different and how boring it would be if we were all exactly alike.

I do not allow name-calling at all or allow them to criticize or make fun of each other.

Bad attitudes are not allowed to linger when an offense has occurred and been "worked through." Forgiveness is grudgeless.

I encourage them to build each other up with praise, encouragement, appreciation and kind
words.

I want to teach them to evaluate their words themselves. They can ask themselves if what they want to say is true, kind and necessary. If not, it's probably better left unsaid. If we all did this, how much better off would we be?

Which leads to the most important point...I have to lead by example. This is the hardest part. I fail, a lot. And so I apologize, a lot!

My children are way ahead of me in this area. I encourage you that the benefits far outweigh the inconvenience of addressing this issue in your home.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9