Being Accountable

When you get angry with your children and yell at them, do you feel like the worst mom ever?

Do you feel like you don't know why God gave you children because you don't deserve them?

I do. I also wonder why I want more because I don't deserve the ones I have.

I threw a fit this morning with my oldest son. A fit is putting it mildly and really not accurate. I was angry and fed up and I was going to make sure he knew it.

Why was I angry? Because I'm selfish and want things done my way. Because my focus was not on training my son, it was on controlling him.

I sent Emma and Jay with my friend to VBS and the rest of us stayed home even though I was committed to helping out. I didn't want to go and put on a smile and pretend everything was hunky-dory. I also didn't want to go and complain about what had happened.

I don't know about you, but when I act so unkind to my children, I completely forget all the good things I've ever done. This morning even as I was thinking about how I would encourage another mom in the same situation, I talked myself out of being comforted because I just didn't feel deserving.

Then I thought about the people who think I have it altogether and what a hypocrite I am. I don't yell at my kids when other people are around. My self-control is amazing when I have others around. And I'm not saying I yell at my kids every day, all day. But I have yelled at them and used harsh tones and even doing that once is a sin and poor example to them.

What is my point? First, that I want to be real. I don't want to appear to have it all together. And second, that if you ever feel like the only one who messes up as a mom, you are not alone!

I always tell my kids if they mess up, confess it, ask forgiveness and figure out what you can learn from your mistake so you don't do it again.

So what am I going to do next time I feel anger creeping in? What I should do is run to Jesus! James 4:7 says I should submit myself to God and resist the devil so he will flee from me.

I have to check my focus. Ask myself what my motive is. Am I training in love or controlling in selfishness? Am I pleasing God or myself? Am I building up or tearing down?

James also tells us that anger does not produce the righteous life that God desires. If I don't correct, discipline or train my children in love but use anger, the only thing I'm accomplishing is passing on that anger to my children. And I sure don't want to do that.

I want to be accountable. Feel free to email or call me and ask me how I'm doing. Feel free to ask me how I'm doing in the selfishness department. Or in the controlling instead of training department. Or in pleasing God instead of myself.

I called my mom a little later and she encouraged me and reminded me in so many words that today was an exception rather than a rule. My mom's my cheerleader! Thanks for today, Mom. I love you!