Loving Discipline

I wanted to give another example of punishing v. disciplining our children because not all situations are to be handled with a spanking.

Spankings are reserved for instances where your child willfully chooses to disobey you. In other words, you ask them to not do something and they do it anyway, or you ask them to do something and they don't do it right away, all the way, and cheerfully.

Spankings are not to be used as discipline for childishness or thoughtlessness or for kids 12 and older. Spilling something at the table because they are playing around = childishness. Leaving the back door open when they run out to play = thoughtlessness.

When your child just isn't thinking and is not purposefully trying to disobey you, that is when you give a consequence fitting the offense.

When they spill something, patiently teach them how to clean up after themselves.

When they leave the door open, patiently call them back and have them practice going in and out of the door opening and closing it carefully each time. This is also good if you have kids that slam the door when they come in or out.

We teach our kids to take their plates, silverware and cups from the table after a meal, then have them ask what they can do to help clean up the kitchen. One of our boys was consistently forgetting to ask what he could do to help. He'd put his plate in the sink and run off. So we told him that from now on if he 'forgot', I would sweetly call him back and say, "Thank you for volunteering to clean up the kitchen for everyone."

Be sure before you implement a consequence that your child understands the standard or expectation. Surprising them with something new will only exasperate them. If you have a new rule in your house have them practice what you expect so you know they are capable and completely understand. Let them know what will happen if they don't do it and consistently follow through.

Also, be sure your standards are God's standards based on His Word. Manners are taught because they show love to others. Responsibility through chores and helping out teach our kids to be stewards of the time and gifts given from God. Obedience and honor to parents translates into obedience and honor to their Heavenly Father. Self-control is learning to say no to self and yes to God. Who doesn't want this for their children?

Again, the difference between punishment and discipline starts in your heart and should be for the purpose of reaching their heart. Is your purpose to benefit the child in teaching self-control and responsibility, love for God and others?

If so, look for every opportunity to step back, take a deep breath, evaluate the situation (are you dealing with rebellion or childishness?) and then apply loving discipline.