One of Our Parenting Journeys

This may be more than you ever wanted to know about us. But here goes...

Thirteen years ago when Roddy and I got married, I said I never wanted to have children! I was adamant. People would tell me I would change my mind and that made me more adamant. The only reason I would consider having them is so that if something ever happened to Roddy, I would have a little bit of him with me.

I viewed children and teens as unruly and disobedient and had no intention of subjecting myself to that. One day at lunch I asked my mom if she would be upset if I went ahead and had my tubes tied.

Obviously, God changed my heart. Starting around our 3rd anniversary we would go back and forth saying, "We're ready. We won't prevent and just see what happens." or "What are we crazy!? We're not ready, yet."

A few months later, our friends who were trying to get pregnant through fertility treatments talked us into 'trying'. Four weeks later I woke up nauseous for my first doctor appointment. When I had a sonogram a couple months later I found out I was a month further along. So when we thought we were trying, I was actually pregnant.

Because Emma was such a good baby we didn't even discuss it but decided we didn't care if we got pregnant again. So when Emma was 16 months old, Gray was born.

We decided we would wait a few years and maybe have 2 more. "The plans of mice and men!!"

Surprise! And Jackson was born when Gray was 15 months old. I always wanted an even number so we tried for Charlie. Jackson was 16 months old when Charlie was born and Emma was not yet 4.

So 4 children in less than 4 years!

When Charlie was 7 or 8 months old we started talking about Roddy getting a vasectomy. Our reasons were that we wanted to be able to go on missions trips with the kids some day. And if I'm always pregnant and/or nursing, I wouldn't be able to do that. I also just didn't think I could have another baby and if we didn't do something, I was sure to get pregnant.

We made our decision with the stipulation that if we changed our minds and wanted more, we'd just have the vasectomy reversed. No big deal, right? I was only 29. We had plenty of time to have more. One thing I didn't know was that reversals are NOT covered by insurance!

So we scheduled the surgery. When Roddy was called back and I was left in the waiting room, I started crying thinking, "We're not going to change our minds and I'm not going to get to have anymore children."

On the way home, we stopped at the store to get Roddy's pain meds and I picked up a pregnancy test. I had been teasing Roddy that I had gotten pregnant 2 weeks before and had asked him to pick up a test for me. He kept forgetting. So as he was in line checking out, I took out one of the tests and ran in the bathroom.

That's when I found out I was pregnant with Iris! Praise the Lord! I was so excited even though I had said I just couldn't have anymore right then. Well guess what? I did have another one and it was great.

For a time I felt satisfied with the size of our family. The desire to have more would come and go but mostly I was content. Until Iris was 2, that is. Then I was ready for more. Roddy wasn't. So I prayed and prayed that God would take the desire away. He did some of the time. But it kept coming back.

I didn't want to nag Roddy about it because I know that when I don't submit to his decisions things don't go well. Instead I prayed that God would talk to Roddy. If God wanted us to have more, I prayed that He would prompt him to talk to me about it.

In the last year, we started talking about adopting. We both thought it would be great to adopt a sibling group. We didn't care what size or race or where they were from but did want to wait until Iris was a little older. At our Missionsfest event at the end of February, I stopped at the Florida Baptist Children's Home table. I got some information and then while we ate dinner, talked with Roddy about starting the process. He was all for it, thinking it would take a couple years to get through it all and that would be perfect timing.

That night as we talked about it, it hit me that this meant I would not be having anymore of my own children. I grieved and cried myself to sleep.

I don't know how we got on the topic the next night but during our talk I was able to tell Roddy all the things I had been thinking and praying for the last 2 years (since he told me he wasn't ready to have a reversal). I cried again.

The next morning I came downstairs into the kitchen and out of nowhere, Roddy said, "I can't think of a biblical reason not to have more." I was a little shocked. To clarify before I got too excited I asked, "Does that mean you're getting a reversal?"

"I guess so," was his reply.

Trying to retain some composure I coolly asked if I could go ahead and do some research for him for a doctor and if I could tell Cece. He said I could and I told him I'd have an appointment by the time he got to work! (I said I tried to retain some composure!)

We decided on a doctor in Indiana. He was recommended by someone who had a successful reversal done by him and because he's an advocate for families, he charges a fraction of the cost that others charge.

We are hoping to find out this week if we can get an appointment for May.

When I told my parents, my dad said, "So does this mean your going to be like that Duggar lady?" I laughed and said, "No. She's way ahead of me." Not to mention the fact that I've wasted 4 years because of the stupid vasectomy decision.

I don't know what's going to happen - if the reversal will even work. I'm praying hard that it will. And I don't know if it does, if God will give us more children. At this point, we are open to letting Him finally have control of our family size.

So there you go. The good, the bad and the more-than-you-ever-wanted-to-know about one of our parenting journeys.