Labels: Great for Organizing, Not for Kids!

Labels are great when you're trying to get organized. You sort, purge, assign a home, containerize and then stick a label on those containers so everyone knows what's inside and anyone can easily put things back where they belong. It's a great little tool.

Unfortunately, we have a tendency to label our children as well. And this is not great. We use labels such as "bossy", "strong-willed", "shy", "hard", "lazy", "ADD", "outspoken", etc. to describe our children. We make excuses like, "She's just like her father" or "Boys will be boys" which also label them.

Our children will live up to the labels or expectations we place on them. Labels limit our children's potential. When they hear themselves described that way enough, they see no reason to try to do better. Something as simple as "poor-speller" gives them something to settle for, instead of striving to meet a higher standard.

We even have to be careful with labels that are neutral or sound positive. In school one of my brothers excelled in math. He was advised by someone once that that was the area in which he should concentrate for his career. God had different plans. As a pre-teen, He called Larry into full-time ministry. He is an assistant pastor at a church in Virginia, fulfulling God's expectations for him.

We have a child that truly is strong-willed. But I'm not going to limit him with a label that says he can't learn to submit to authority. This child is going to change the world. He has strong convictions and it is my job to give him the right convictions. I'm also not going to limit myself as a parent and use the excuse that he's not able to learn to obey the scripture that says, "Children obey your parents in everything" and "Honor your father and mother." When I do that, I take away the blessing that God promises him and I fail.

We have a child who is naturally a leader. There is a tendency to label this type of child as "bossy". And she very well could be. But instead of allowing her to be bossy, we are teaching her how to lead as Jesus did.

One of our children is very talkative. So we have to teach him how to use his words to glorify and honor God and to build others up. We've also taught him "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds is tongue is wise." I'm working on that one myself!

My point is, if you see a negative characteristic in your child, find the positive. Work on minimizing their weaknesses and maximizing their strengths. Study your children. Learn what they need help with and help them. If they need extra training in an area - like diligence, sharing, table manners - spend some time on it. And do it for their benefit, not yours!

Teach them no matter what they struggle with or even what they excell in, they are here for a purpose. That is to worship, honor and glorify God. When they learn to seek to fulfill God's expectations, God's plan for their lives, that is when they have succeeded.

VBS & Genesis 2:18

"Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone;

I will make him a helper fit for him.'"

I am learning how to be a better wife this week in VBS. Weird, I know. Allow me to explain. I'm in charge of leading a group of 12-14 kindergartners (depending on the day). I also have 2-3 helpers. One of my helpers wasn't good at helping or following my lead to be exact. She wanted to lead. For instance, the first day I put each of us leaders/helpers in charge of keeping up with 3 children each. What I mean is, when we transitioned from the sanctuary to craft to Bible to recreation to snack and then back to the sanctuary, we only needed to keep an eye on 3 kids each. I should mention there are over 1,000 children at VBS this week and whole grades transition at the same time.

Anyway, the second day we were short a helper and had 2 extra kids so I needed to add to our original 3 each to keep up with. This helper (who wanted to lead) thought we should just pick all new groups and proceeded to tell the kids who they were going to go with. Not that big of a deal really, but I didn't want the kids to get confused and wanted to change as little as possible. So I had to nix her idea and reexplain mine. This kind of thing happened a few times the first 2 days and well, too many chiefs...

So I had an opportunity today to trade her for a teen helper. The teen helper was one of 3 teens leading a kindergarten group that did not have an adult and they were pretty much - how do I say it nicely - worthless. The teens were too busy socializing and texting to pay attention to the children. They needed a leader and I needed to get rid of one.

This new 12 year old girl was just the opposite. She initiated no action or help whatsoever. She didn't talk to the kids. She didn't do anything except stand or sit. However, when I asked her to do something, she did it and didn't come up with her own ideas of how it should be done. So in that way it was better.

You ask, "What does this have to do with Genesis 2:18?" Everything! My husband needs a helper not another leader. Of course, when he's not around, I need to take charge of the house and children. Although, ultimately, my "leading" should be fulfilling his wishes for our house and family. But when he is around, he's the "lead dog". See an earlier post if you haven't read this illustration yet. I am to follow his lead and help him out. If he says he wants something done, I don't need to sit around like a bump on a log. I need to figure out how to accomplish it without taking it over and making it mine.

Who knew there would be such good stuff for me to learn this week at VBS.

Quirky Things About Me

I've been tagged and must tell you 6 quirky things about myself. You've all probably got a list of my quirks just flowing out of your minds but here are the ones I could think of...

1. I am ridiculously nutty about how my laundry is done! I realize it's a sickness and I'm working on it. Baby steps.

2. I have this thing about sorting colors (more laundry talk). Like all my extra buttons are organized by color and the thumb tacks on my bulletin board are in a straight line along the edge of the board sorted by color. My clothes in my closet are sorted by color and season - all sleeveless black shirts together, etc. Now that does not mean everything in my house is like that. After all, there are 6 other people living here. I can't do it all, people! :)

3. I don't like noise. You'd think I'd be over that one. I can handle it for short periods.

4. I have conversations in my head. When my children interrupt them, I want to say, "Don't interrupt, please. Can't you tell I'm talking?"

5. I always have a song in my head, too. It could be the first one I heard for the day or who knows. Right now I have one from someone's blog I just visited. Sometimes the song starts making me crazy, and I'll have to start thinking of a new one. Kind of like changing the station.

6. If there's a bug in the room, I will find it. Even if I'm asleep.

So there you have it. Quirky me.

3 out of 5

I love rain! I love the fact that we get a repreave from the scorching sun and my ac unit gets a rest. I love the free irrigation.

I love thunderstorms. And hurricane season competes with Fall as one of my favorites - probably because it means Hubby can't go to work if there's one coming our way.

Well, last night was a doozy of a storm. #1 came in our room around 2 a.m. and woke me from my dream that had something to do with the crazy lightening that sounded like it was on top of the house. Then I realized I left the phone out on the porch under the gazebo. When I came back upstairs, three of the kids were in our bed - all a little nervous from the very loud thunder and the cracking of the lightening. I told them I love storms because they remind me of God's power. They make me think of how incredibly awesome and in control He is. This is so comforting to me.

Here comes another storm now...ahhhh

Science & Snakes

I haven't officially been teaching the kids science in school. I do have something for next year.

Unofficially, we've raised hundreds of butterflies, explored the woods behind the house, made a home for our pet squirrel, read lots of ZooBooks magazines, dissected a snake that was road kill by our mailbox and caught several snakes to live with us for a couple of days. This is our current capture in our aquarium - a garter snake.

The next picture is #2 releasing a black racer.

Next is #1 so professionally handling a small rat snake.

And last, me 2 years ago, with another rat snake from the neighbors' yard.

Picture Taking

Having the kids' pictures taken used to be so stressful. And it's still not a breeze when you think about washing and ironing 5 sets of clothes; coordinating baths and getting hair done.

What used to stress me out was trying to get everyone to look in the same direction and smile. I got over having to have them all smile and was content to just have them all looking. But I have learned that even when the pictures don't seem "picture perfect", later I will look back and love them anyway - like this one taken of the first 3 kids when I was pregnant with #4. It cracks me up!

Good Grief!

Hubby had a basil cell the size of a nickel removed from his back last week. He's having the 30 or so stitches (3 1/2 inches) removed this morning.

Garage Sale Babies

Yesterday I was telling #4 what a great kid I think he is and how I'm so thankful God gave him to us. He said he was glad we bought him at the garage sale. I said, "Really?" He explained that we bought all of them at garage sales when they were babies. #'s 1, 2 & 3 were at separate sales but he and #5 were at the same one. God put them there and we saw them and said, "This is (insert name)" and bought them.

I have no idea where he got that from! But he was dead serious! I should have asked him were we could find some more.

Discipling Our Children

I went to the Homeschool Convention this past weekend along with about a million other people. I love it! This year I didn't come away with a new curriculum plan or millions of questions about what I'm going to do next year. This year, I came away with a new understanding of my role in my children's lives.

First of all, RC Sproul Jr. spoke in one of his sessions about Deuteronomy 6:5-9. This is a passage Roddy and I also speak of in our parenting classes on Sundays. He said we can't live out this passage - teaching Jesus all day, every day - and send our kids to school for 6-8 hours a day. Just confirmed what I already believe.

Secondly, Phil Downer (father of 6) spoke on discipling our children. Which prompted me to look at how Jesus discipled his 12 children.

1. He was with them! As stay home moms we think, "Of course, I'm with them." But being on the computer and phone for hours a day, doesn't count. (Guess I better hurry, right.)

2. He taught them as they sat, walked, rested, and rose. God's Word must be part of everything in our day.

3. He led by example. Yikes! That is so hard. But I know when I fail, to apologize. Oh and how quickly they forgive. I also know this means I need to show compassion not condemnation to my children when they fail.

4. He took time away to spend alone with God. Do we seek Him early? Late? Throughout the day?

5. He loved them. Beverly Bradley says Jesus doesn't save us to fix us. He suffered excruciatingly and died for us so that He could be with us because He loves us! I am a fixer. I want to fix everything. You tell me you don't feel well and I'll tell you how you can feel better. You want to eat better, I'll make a plan for you. You want to have a more efficient schedule, I'll get you going. Want to save some money, I'll whip that budget into shape in no time. My kids not quite trained yet, I'm on the job, Bob. And they do need training and discipline, but my goal should not be to "fix" them. My goal, because I love them and want what is best for them, should be to teach of God's blessings for a life that honors Him.

There is so much more to be learned from Jesus. I'm thankful He is patient with me and continues to teach me these things.

"Theee" Talk

Cece has been telling us that we need to have "theee" talk with the kids before they come home asking questions because some other kid has already given them some information or before they place a stigma on it. So I decided I would make it part of Science time.

Well, yesterday Gray found a newly dead snake in the road by the mailbox. We decided to disect it. We then looked for organs like the heart, stomach, intestines, etc. I told him now that we've looked at the snake's body, we need to learn about ours.

I have this huge book on the human body, which has been high on a shelf for the past year. This morning I pulled it out. I started with the cell and then muscles and bones. I made sure to tell them that we don't always call body parts by their real names. Like our jaw is actually called the mandible. This way I could tell them the real names for other parts that we have nicknames for. We moved on to the digestive system. Of course, as I'm realizing this is a perfect opportunity to then talk about the reproductive system, I start getting nervous. "Please, Lord, help me get through this."

It was painless. I talked about it just as if I was talking about how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. They would ask questions here and there but didn't seem weirded out or anything. "Thank you, Lord!" Because now, to them, it's just another fact like: the sky is blue, water is wet, and God is good.

I was not looking forward it but I'm so glad it's done and it went so well. Thanks for the advice, Cece.

Boyfriend, Girlfriend

I had heard some of the children using the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" here and there and would ask them what the words meant. Usually the answer (which is standard around here for just about any question) was, "I don't know." Sometimes they would say, "It's a boy that is a friend."

Well, Hubby and I decided several years ago that in our home dating would be for the purpose of marriage. In other words, when our children feel God is telling them they are at a point in their lives where they are ready to marry, and when God brings someone into their lives that could be a potential mate, then they would spend time with that person ("date") to get to know them.

I used to think this was a ridiculous idea and bought into arguments like: "Well how will you know what you want in a mate?" or "Don't you want to know what else is out there?" "You don't want to look back and think you missed out on something."

Why? God knows what we need in a mate. And knows who is best for us. So why waste time dating around? Why give your heart away mulitple times to other people before finally giving it to your spouse? If I could go back and do it again, I would absolutely save my heart for my hubby. Why subject ourselves to being emotionally attached to a guy or girl that we will have no contact with the rest of our lives. And even if we do, what's the point? Our hearts should be reserved for Jesus and then for the spouse that He has for us.


So, I first talked with #1. I asked her if kids in her Sunday School talked about boyfriends and girlfriends. She said they did. And I explained that the time to have a boyfriend or girlfriend is when you are actually ready to get married. So she asked me what she should say if someone asks her if she has a boyfriend or why she doesn't. I just told her she can tell them that having a boyfriend is for when she's ready to get married and that she's way to young to get married.

Then we shared our conversation with the boys. It made perfect sense to all of them and I haven't heard them talking about it since.

Vacation!

We were on vacation this week. Hubby's parents have a timeshare and every year they 'share' it with us. We usually go in September but this year we picked May. It was perfect timing because we finished school last Friday. So it was a great way to kick off our summer. We checked in Monday and got home tonight (Fri). We swam and read, relaxed and played. We got to go to Disney Wednesday thanks to a couple of generous friends who work there and got us all in - Thanks Kevin and Adam! It was the first time the kids have been to Disney and the first time Hubby and I have been since before we were married. It was an awesome day.

We did really well all week with the sunscreen and not getting burned...until today. I realize our mistake now. All week we had gone in for lunch and naps from noon-3pm, the worst time to be in the sun. But today we had to be out of the room by noon. After checking out, we stayed at the pool until 4:30pm. Yeah, not good. I'm just hoping I don't peal. The kids and Hubby only had their faces burned because Hubby bought everyone spf shirts. He just found out he has another basil cell he has to have removed and that motivated him to keep everyone protected from the sun. He knew I was out to get a tan so he didn't buy me one. Well, I'm tan all right from the first 4 days but I have a nice shade of "crispy fried red" on top.

Other than that, the week was perfect! Thanks Meme & Papa for spoiling us again!

My Mom

In honor of my mom I want to tell you a few of the many things I love about her:

1. I love her honesty. I asked her a question today and she gingerly and sweetly told me the brutal truth.

2. I love how she gets excited over things. She is my encourager and cheerleader.

3. I love her giving spirit. It makes her happy to surprise us with her thoughtful gifts - like the 2 wreaths I just hung on my front doors.

4. I love her unselfishness. She always thinks of others first. She's always ready and willing to run to my rescue when Roddy can't.

5. I love her sense of humor. She cracks me up without even trying.

6. I love how she loves my children. And though she may have a favorite, the others would never know it.

My mom is sweet and kind, generous and loving. Most importantly, she laid the foundation - through her example - for my unwavering commitment to and faith in Jesus Christ.

Thank you, Mom! I love you more than you know!

My Little Giver!

My sweet girl! She's special in so many ways, but one of the more obvious ways is in her giving spirit. When she has friends over, she's always giving away something - toys, hair accessories, jewelry. Whatever it is her friend has been into, she may go home with because #1 likes to give. When we go somewhere, she's the first to think of drawing a picture or making a card. Yesterday she gave the ladies that clean our house (that's a blog for another day) a picture that she had drawn just for them. Last night she gave away half of her snackbar to a girl she didn't even know.

Well, today my sweet daughter cut off 10 1/2 inches of her beautiful blonde hair to give to another child who needs it. Here are the before and after pictures.

My mom came to support her. She also gave us money to celebrate at Twistee Treat! Thanks, Mom!!

A Rare Bird...

Have you ever heard someone say, "Well, she's a rare bird"? Or is it "rare breed"? I don't know, but I was thinking about that on my way home from the gym. We have a couple of eagles that live near us and when I saw one this morning, I started thinking, What is our fascination with these birds? Every time we go by we all search to see if they are there. I guess it's the fact that it is such a rare sight and I feel privileged to have them so close by. So even though I get to see them often, I realize how uncommon and extraordinary it is.

Then I thought about my "rare bird" of a friend, Cece. She epitomizes Phil 2:14-15, "Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,"

and Col 4:5-7 "Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Those are just 2 that come to mind)

Doesn't matter how much time I get with her, I always want more because to have someone who is so wise and loving and gracious is a rare find! I am a better Christian, wife and mother because of her and I'm so thankful to God for allowing me the awesome privilege of calling her friend.

Camping in the Back Yard

The kids wanted to camp out in the backyard one night so I said, "Sure." They got everything set up, packed their bags, bathed and dressed to brave the elements. One-by-one, they each came in with different reasons why they had changed their minds.













So Hubby told them he would sleep out with them Friday night. He fired up the hibachi, skewered some chicken and cooked baked beans. Then we roasted smarshmallows (as the kids call them) and made 'smores.















At 8 o'clock everyone loaded up in the tents. Yes, they are on the trampoline. By 8:30 #3, #4 & #5 were back inside. But Hubby, #1 and #2 made it all night.

Field Day

My sweet friend, Stef, put on a field day for several home-schooled families last week. The kids had a blast! They played tug-o-war,had a sack race, a leap-frog race,an obstacle course race, had a water balloon fight, blew bubbles and to top it off got ribbons to remember it by. God provided beautiful weather and Stef supplied the fun!

Extreme Makeover - Wagner Kids' Edition

One morning after Bible-time, the kids and I were going over math flashcards. The boys were quizzing each other while I worked with #1. When I finished with her, I said, "Okay, boys, Mommy's going to do some with you." Then I added as I sprawled out on the floor, "Right after I take a little nap." (Sometimes getting up at 5:15a.m. makes me very tired.) Well instantly, #2 comes over and starts massaging my shoulders while #3 goes to get some baby blankets to cover me with and #1 decides to give me a pedicure. She got the electric foot buffer and some lotion and proceeded to smooth my feet. Well, of course, that gives them the idea to make me over. #2 painted my nails and someone put makeup on me. Then they picked out a dress and shoes and did my hair - with the hairdryer, no less. While #2 and #1 were working on me, #3 went downstairs and heated up leftover lasagna (with some help from #1) for me to eat and brought it up. It was quite the pampering, I must say.

The sad part was that we were heading to the library after an early lunch and #2 was so disappointed when I took my hair down and changed my dress. I did keep the polish on the entire week, though.

Wash One Another's Feet...

From John 13: [Jesus] began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him...When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them."

The kids were painting this morning and somehow #3 had gotten paint on the bottom of his feet. The next thing I know, #2 has gotten a rag and is washing #3's feet. He didn't stop there. He even washed the paint off his hands. Just filled my heart up.

Tagged

Stef "tagged" me. I am supposed to tell you 7 things about myself.

1. I had a crush on my husband in high school. I had a picture of him from his graduation in my locker my senior year. That is until my boyfriend at the time came to school and saw it. I still have that picture somewhere around here.

2. I eat Starbucks Java Chip ice cream as my afternoon snack! Yum!!!

3. I hate spending money. When Hubby buys me something, my first thought after, "How sweet" or "How thoughtful" is "I wonder how much it cost."

4. I like big, shiny trucks with big wheels and big sound. I like Harleys too. My dream car, though, would be a '58 or '67 Corvette.

5. I love gray hair. Could be because my dad's been gray since I was in high school. I also love my mom's hands.

6. I would love to live with an Amish family for a month. Not sure how I'd do without make-up, though. I don't even go to the mailbox without it.

7. I'm an imperfect perfectionist. I'm a sinner saved by grace alone! God is so patient, loving and gracious that despite my many flaws, He has blessed me with 5 awesome, beautiful, loving children and the best husband ever!