Pride

One Thanksgiving we were asked by our Bible study leader to come to our meeting prepared to share something we were thankful for.

One of the things I shared I am still very much thankful for today:

I am thankful that God doesn't reveal to me everything that is wrong with me all at once.

Boy, would that be overwhelming! I mean I've come a long way, but compared to Jesus, I have a loooonnnnnnggggg way to go!

Normally He's working on me in a few areas, and currently one of those areas is pride.

I am learning that pride has many forms. One of those I faced today.

Here's how it went down...

My mom and dad's church owns the property behind our house. The kids go to Awanas there on Sunday nights and we participate in other events there as well.

I decided to do a Beth Moore Bible study with my mom on Tuesday mornings. They are not offering childcare but said my kids could hang out in a room across the hall from us. The church also has a preschool/daycare but that particular room is normally empty. I thought it was so nice for them to accommodate us.

So I planned out the 2 hours that the kids would be on their own and explained what I expected from them. After getting them set up, I headed across the hall.

Since today was the first day, we didn't actually begin until about an hour after we got there. Meanwhile the kids were in their room doing their thing. Well just as the Pastor's wife was getting ready to start the video, a lady came in and I said, "I saw you check on the kids, are they doing what they are supposed to be doing?"

She said, "Yeah, I just told them not to go into the other room."

The room next to theirs is joined by a bathroom. The teacher in that adjoining room had asked her who the kids were that were peaking in her room.

I looked at the Pastor's wife and said, "You can start without me." And headed to the kids' room.

Long story short, they had only peaked into the bathroom but never even set foot in it. Somehow the teacher noticed and made it sound like they were peaking in her room. No big deal. The kids who had done it were disciplined because they weren't supposed to be up from what they were doing. I wasn't upset with them, though. I totally expected a learning curve the first couple weeks.

But I was upset with the lady who told me about them. Pride had reared it's ugly head because she had told me (not intending to be rude) so that the other 10 participants heard and I was worried about what they thought of my kids.

See, I have no problem when it comes to what people think of my beliefs or convictions. Doesn't phase me in the least.

One thing I do care about is what people think about me as person or about my kids. I don't care about clothes, or keeping up with Joneses. I don't have to have a nice car or even one without a dented bumper (you'd have to see mine to get that).

I also care if I'm liked. I really want to be accepted for who I am. Deep down I think if people really knew me, they wouldn't actually like me and so I don't always feel like I can be myself.

I know this is wrong. I shouldn't worry about what people think. It only matters what One thinks of me. And if God likes me and accepts me, I shouldn't care what anyone else thinks. Still working on that, though.

I also want my kids to have a good reputation - not a perfect reputation but a good one. I don't want them accused of doing something they didn't actually do and then having people think that they are causing trouble.

That's what bothered me today. But, thankfully God helped me get over myself. I realized the root of my problem - pride! After a few minutes of grumbling in my head, I prayed that God would help me forgive the lady for announcing it to the group and then immediately asked for forgiveness for being more concerned about what people think instead of concentrating on what was true (that my kids love their mommy enough to obey --mostly-- what I asked them to do for 2 hours without adult supervision --mostly--).

And He did help me. He helped me forgive (even though really the lady didn't do anything wrong) and He forgave me.

I love my God! I love that He wants me to get over myself and my pride! I love that He hasn't given up on me! That He is so patient and loving and forgiving!