Why I Don't Complain About My Kids

It is apparent to me that to many I give off the image that my kids are perfect or that we have it all together in the parenting department. Well they aren't and we don't!

And I've been struggling with wanting to clear that up without completely maligning my family.

So let me start by sharing two reasons why you won't hear complaining from me about my husband or kids.

1. When we first got married (and maybe still) I teased that my parents loved Roddy more than me. I mean who wouldn't, right?!! But early on in our marriage when Roddy would do things that upset me, I would call my mom up and gripe to her about whatever it was that he had done.

After a while, I noticed that when I complained about him to my mom, all that did was taint her view of him and possibly make her feel the need to side with me against him. Thankfully, I realized this pretty early on in our marriage, and I decided that I was not going to do that any more. I decided I wouldn't complain about him to my friends either.

I have come to believe that it is wrong to bad mouth your husband to others. It is disrespectful and, in all honesty, makes you look like a fool for choosing him. It also does nothing to bring your relationship closer. You might temporarily feel better because you got it off your chest and someone else may have given you the affirmation you desired but ultimately it helps you harbor bitterness against him. I could go on but I'll move on for now.

2. When I was a young mom, I had some great friends who were new moms, too. And being new moms and not used to the demands of motherhood, we were apt to complain about how hard it was.

When I was surprised by my pregnancy with Jackson, I was not excited. All I could think about was how hard it was going to be having 3 kids under 2 1/2 years of age!

The day he was born the doctors noticed he had an irregular heartbeat and started doing ultrasounds of his heart. Immediately I regreted every complaint I had made about having him because at that point I didn't know what was going to happen to him.

After that day, I made an effort not to be a complaining mother. Now let me give a disclaimer right now - this does not mean that I have never complained since. Oh contraire, mon frere! I have done my share! But I do try to accept the role God has given me and I make a point not to get into complaining-fests with other moms.

Afterall, how would I feel if my husband and kids complained about me to their friends? They would have plenty to say, but boy would it make me sad! And what purpose would it serve?

Philippians 2:14 says,

"Do all things without grumbling or questioning."

The NIV says,

"Do everything without complaining or arguing."

So how am I to be transparent about the fact that there are struggles going on in the Wagner house without tearing everyone down in the process? Because let me tell you, my family comes first. If everyone else has to be left wondering in order to protect my family, so be it. However, I did want to find an answer. So Roddy and I talked about this several times and finally came to the conclusion that we could/should freely share our own personal failures but there is not a need to share our kids failures.