Punishment v. Discipline

As a mom do you punish or discipline your kids?

What's the difference?

I believe the difference starts in the heart.

One is about the offended. The other is about the offender.

One's purpose is payback. The other's purpose is to benefit the child.

One is done out of selfishness. The other is done out of selflessness.

One is motivated by anger and frustration. The other is motivated by love.

One is to please self. The other is to please God.

The result of one is distance, alienation. The result of the other is closeness, restoration.

Let me give you an example. Let's say your child disobeys you.

You can, out of frustration and annoyance, yell or threaten impending consequences. You could even calmly but with underlying anger dole out consequences. But do the consequences fit the crime? Do you over do it? What I mean is do you give more than one consequence just to make sure they really get it this time? Or do you extend a loss of privilege much longer than is necessary?

I have not even touched the subject of spanking yet on this blog and maybe I need to. I'll go into it more on another day but today just let me say that spankings given in love and patience are biblical and will change the heart of a child.

In the situation of a child who disobeys, the most loving thing you can do is calmly ask the child to wait for you in their room. If you are angry, PRAY! Do not go in until you are right with Jesus.

When you are ready, go into the child's room, soften your voice and ask him/her, "Did you obey Mommy when I asked you to...?" If they say no, then ask them, "What does God tell children about their parents?" And hopefully one of your child's first memory verses is Ephesians 6:1-3. Then remind them that you love them and you want them to be blessed for honoring you and it is your job to teach them that. Have them lay across your lap or the bed and calmly spank their underwear covered bottom.

Then immediately hug them and tell them again that you love them. At that point I usually ask them what they need to say to Mommy. Then they apologize for disobeying. Tell them they are forgiven. Pray for them and then give the original command again so they have another chance to do the right thing. If they do, praise them.

Ask yourself what your purpose is. Are you really trying to reach your child's heart for Jesus? Or are you just fed up?

Do you forget that you make mistakes too and expect your child to "get it" even when you don't?

Do you forget that you are still alive and well when all you deserve is hell? I do.

Do you point your child to the Cross and to their need for the loving Savior Who died for them and their sin? Or do you point the finger of condemnation?

There is a lot of parenting advice that is pure junk. A lot of it is sold in the Christian bookstore. I don't claim to be an expert but I do know that worldly wisdom has infiltrated our parenting and look where it's gotten us. Godly, Biblical advice is rare.

If you are seeking to train your children in the way they should go but aren't sure where to turn, I highly recommend the Bible first.
Second, two video series Biblical Insights Into Child Training and Beyond Obedience by Reb Bradley as well as his book Child Training Tips
Last, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp