Join the Club

Did you know we're part of the same club?

Yep.  All of us. Every single person on this planet. From the serial killer in jail to the orphan baby in Russia.

We're all a part of the sinners club.  We all desperately need a Savior.

And for those who have decided to give their lives to Jesus, we all desperately need Him help us day in and day out to overcome the sin in our lives.

Your kids are a part of the club, too. 

For those of us who are diligently trying to train our children, rather than ignoring and neglecting their sin, it can really start to wear on you at times.  You might get annoyed, aggravated or down-right mad.  But remember, you're members of the same club. 

Never say to your child, "What is wrong with you?"  Because what's wrong with him is what's wrong with you!

Even asking, "Why did you do that?" or "Why do you keep doing that?" is unnecessary.  The answer is easy.  Because they're sinners!

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:12

You may feel like your battling your kids, but in reality you are in a battle FOR your kids.

You're on the same team - whether they know it or not. 

So when correction or discipline time comes, try to remember:

1. to restore your child in a spirit of gentleness. Soften your voice rather than raising it. Check your tone.

2. to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Find out what really happened first - even if you think you already know.

3. that you are in the same boat with this child.  Remind them of what a gracious Savior we have -forgiving freely and ready to provide a way of escaping temptation.  We all need Jesus to overcome the sin in our lives.

4. and speaking of forgiveness, forgive your child.  Truly forgive as Christ has forgiven you.  Give him/her a fresh start each and every time.  Try your best to treat each act as if it's the first time you've ever seen them do it.

5. when you don't have the words, pray for wisdom knowing God is ready to give it generously.

Guest Post Part 2

And here is part two of my guest post for Tyler regarding child training.

Guest Post

I was honored to be asked by my friend, Tyler, to guest post on her blog.  Tyler is transparent, encouraging and focused on helping moms overcome anger.

Check out my first installment!

Some Time is Finite

Last night I got to listen to my friend present:  An Evening of Ordered Steps

She shared with a roomful of moms how she has simplified, organized and ordered her home in order to be more efficient with the time she has been given with her loved ones. 

There were many things that stood out but the one I wanted to share with you all was this:

We have a finite amount of time with our loved ones.

We have a finite number of visits with our parents.

We have a finite number of dates we can take our children on.

Her point was, what are we missing out on because we're doing so many other things?  We may be doing a whole lot of great things but are we choosing what is BEST?

We need to evaluate how we are spending our time.  What are our priorities and are they lining up with God's Word?  Ministry is a great example.  Of course God wants us to minister to others, but not at the expense of the little ones we have at home. 

There is a season when we may have more time than we know what to do with.  We must really think about what we're investing in.

Our children were given to us to love, train, instruct, disciple and discipline.  We will be the ones who stand before God and give account for every careless word.

It is a responsibility not to be taken lightly.

Reb Bradley

This past weekend I was at our state's homeschool convention.  But instead of going to lectures or looking for curriculum, I had the privilege of helping Reb Bradley in his booth!

I get so excited sharing with other parents what this man's ministry has done for our family.  I get even more excited when I think of them getting the information in their homes or churches and knowing it can change their lives as well.

Saturday night after the convention Mr. Bradley stayed the night in our home and Roddy drove him to the airport early the next morning.

Mr. Bradley with the kids...

They were so excited to meet him for the first time and to have him stay with us!  We had a great time.  I loved getting to know him better.  He's quite a hoot!

Wednesday nights, this fall, we'll be faciliting his video series Biblical Insights into Child Training at our church. Any locals interested in coming, let me know.

The Two Esses

Pop quiz!  Can you name the #1 question received by homeschool families or those thinking of homeschooling?

If you've homeschooled for even 6 months, you've heard it.  "What about Socialization?"  I have to say that even typing it gets me a little riled up.

The next time someone asks you that, will you ask them exactly what they mean?  Then write it down and send it to me, please.

Because I don't really think they know.  I don't think they've thought about what they are asking. 

Do they think because we stay home for school that we stay home for everything, secluded from everyone? They wouldn't be talking to you if you were.

The reality is there is a stigma, which is hopefully falling by the wayside, of what homeschoolers are like. I'm not even sure what that is, but apparently it has something to do with being socially awkard.  Have you ever met a public or Christian schooled kid who was socially awkard?  Of course, you have.  'Nuff said.

There are so many people making the move to homeschooling that there can be a never-ending list of social activities.  You actually have to be careful to keep yourself at home.  There are co-ops and fieldtrips and one-day-a-week homeschooler schools! 

Here we are on a field trip to a worm farm.  This is maybe a third of the homeschooling families we get to do things like this with.

According to Wikipedia, socialization is this:

...the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies.  It may provide the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society.

Who do you want teaching your kids what normal should be? Who do you want teaching your kids their ideologies 35 hours a week?

When you keep them home, YOU get to teach them this.  When you send them to school for hours on end, their peers teach them.  Their teachers, who don't love them nearly as much as you do (I don't care how sweet they are), teach them this.  I don't want my kids acting like their peers.  Or probably like their teachers either.

A wise, seasoned homeschooling mama told me that the character issues you want to work on in your children can be addressed quicker and more often when you have them home with you.  You are able to see growth in those areas much sooner than when they are away from you.  When you send them to school, you're constantly retraining what gets undone while they're gone all day.

Just something to think about.

The second "S" question on a lot of people's tongues is, "What about Sports?" 

Really?  I've made it almost 36 years without playing a sport.  I went to public school and wanted to cheer.  But my parents didn't want to spend the money on the uniforms.  I'm pretty sure I'm not scarred for life!  Although I bet there are a bunch of psychologists who'd love to try to prove otherwise.  Worldly wisdom, people! Worldly wisdom.

What is the big push about getting kids into sports these days anyways?  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with sports, but what does it have to do with life?

I had a dad tell me he wanted his sons to play sports because he learned so much from playing when he was a teen.  His coach really taught him a lot.  That's great but that wasn't the coach's job.  It was his parents' job!  And it's not that other adults can never teach our children anything, but we shouldn't relegate the responsibility of teaching sportsmanship, team work, or anything else to anyone else.

God has called us to train up our children. To teach them to love God and love others.  To teach them about God and all that He created.  He created language, math, science, geography.  Who better to relate all of that back to this awesome God than us?

We had a hallelujah service in math class one day!  It was awesome.

But again, there are so many opportunities if you want your kids to play sports.  That question is not even practical any more.  By the way, Upward Sports is a great program if you are interested.

I've got a busy week but hope to get at least one more post in about homeschooling.  I have plenty rolling around in my head.  If you have questions or are just curious about homeschooling, leave me a comment.  I'll be glad to answer them.

Monday's Motto

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers,

against the authorities,

against the cosmic powers over this present darkness,

against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:12

There are days we feel we are wrestling our own flesh and blood ~also known as our children.  In reality we are fighting for our flesh and blood against the enemy and his evil forces. 

Stand strong Warrior Mamas!!

Parenting Classes

Six years ago we took a parenting class at church that changed the course of our lives and the lives of our children.  When I went into it, my mindset about the teen years was mostly dread.  I left the very first class hopeful and ready to have more kids.

At the end of it all, we were asked to fill out a survey.  One of my comments was...

This class is essential for any parent.

I still believe this today.  We've taken the class 2-3 more times and been to a weekend seminar of the same material.

It is first of all, and most importantly, Biblical.  It doesn't just throw in a few Scriptures mixed in with a bunch of psychological, modern day mumbo-jumbo.  It is founded on and saturated with Scripture.  It clears up the confusion that I think most parents have because we are bombarded with so much worldly "wisdom" that eventually we start to believe it. 

In addition to being Biblical, it is also practical and eye-opening.  It reveals things you don't even realize you do that actual sabotage your authority in your home.  But it doesn't just tell you what you shouldn't be doing, it gives you practical ways to apply Scripture to your everyday life so that you can bring order, joy and peace into your home.  You just have to apply it. 

There have been plenty of people who have been through the class and it didn't do a thing for them. I'll give you a couple of reasons. 

Maybe they didn't catch the vision.  Either they're vision has been so clouded that they couldn't grasp it, or they just weren't ready for the truth of it and couldn't accept it into their lives. 

Or maybe they didn't apply it in love and so gave up on it claiming it's just not for everyone.  Any parenting done for selfish gain will not result in a profitable, God-pleasing outcome.

Anyway, I say all of this because this Wednesday the class starts up again at our church and Roddy and I get to facilitate!!  I'm so excited.  I'm excited I get to go through it again and I'm excited for all the families that I pray will be changed because of it.

Will you pray for us?  We need wisdom and discernment as we lead, answer questions and share what God has done for us through it.

Will you pray for the hearts of the parents to be open to a godly, Biblical plan for their families?

By the way, for those out-of-towners who are interested, the video series is Biblical Insights into Child Training by Reb Bradley.  Here's his website. If you are local and interested in coming, let me know.  We'd love to have you!

How Freeing...

You've got to read this post by Breezy Tulip. 

To me, it is so freeing because it lines up my priorities so quickly.  I can make my decisions about what to add to my schedule or commitment list through the filter of have I done my first duty well?  And I don't mean "well" according to worldly, feminist standards.  I also don't mean you have to have a perfectly clean and decorated house, perfectly cooked meals, be perfectly fit, be perfectly selfless, etc.

I'm talking about God's standards.  Am I pleasing Him?  Or at least seeking to please Him in my home? in my marriage? in my children?  Am I seeking to grow in my walk with Him? Am I teachable and willing to change to be more like Him? And then how do I apply that change to my first duty?

Talk is Cheap

Read the following last week and had to share. It's lengthy but sooo good!

"Are you a frustrated parent? Is your brow drawn tight as if pulled by drawstrings? If parenting is not enjoyable, be assured, you have a bad attitude. When your children look into your face, what do they see? They are not fooled. They know how you feel toward them. Your face is a graph of approval or rejection. The smooth tongue of 'positive affirmation' is not enough; in fact, it is worse than nothing if there is not genuine delight in your heart...If they see disappointment and criticism, they will answer in kind. Discontented parents breed discontented children. Your attitude is the root of the family attitude tree. A bitter root cannot produce sweet fruit.

Personal attitudes are highly contagious, and children usually come down with a worse case. 'More is caught than taught.' And children seem more highly susceptible to catching a bad attitude than of being taught to have a good one...

'Our actions speak louder than our words,' but our attitude screams louder than our actions. The first need and the most lacking element in child training is a right attitude on the part of parents...

Who you are is more important than what you do...

Your children are playing follow-the-leader...

The bad news is that you are responsible for the condition of your children. The good news is that you don't have to be frustrated over attempting to change them. You only need to change yourself. Since their attitudes are reflections of yours, you need only change your attitude, and the reflections will change...

Children living under condemnation are not motivated to good works. None of us seeks to please someone who is condemning us...You may nag or gripe them into relenting to your will, but you can never bad-attitude them into a good attitude. Children cannot be intimidated into positive character. To stand off and criticize their performance will not induce them to a rectifying shame. No one has ever been motivated to climb out from under a pile of disapproval to win the praise and affections of his or her accuser.

The law of human nature is such that condemnation and shame cause an alienation that only produces more disobedience...

If you are always ready to show them what is wrong, but do not constantly exemplify what is right, they will cower under your judgments while continuing to grow into the likeness of your graceless bitterness.

The parental spirit of displeasure holds the child in 'death.' A new spirit in the parent will allow the child to serve from a joyous spirit and not from the decrepit bondage of legal depression...

Your children will begin to develop positive character only in an atmosphere of forgiveness and acceptance. The first step to recovery and the ground on which it continues is the parent's smile...

If fellowship with God provokes His children to holiness, what will be the result of a child's fellowship with his parents? The best training is done under the supervision of a smile. There is a time for discipline, rebuke, spanking, and even controlled anger, but such should be temporary signposts on a path of communion that you walk with your children. If they see your delight and appreciation, they will have the courage to try to maintain that sweetness.

These excerpts are from No Greater Joy, Volume One by Mike and Debi Pearl.

Good stuff, don't you think?

My Season

The last couple months have been crazy around here. Wednesday night classes at church started, soccer started, a weekly Bible study with my mom's church started. We had 2 birthdays which = 2 birthday parties plus 2 friends' birthday parties, and an anniversary which = a surprise weekend away (more on that later).

Our typical week has been:
Sunday - church
Sunday night - Awanas
Monday night - Library
Tuesday - weekly Bible study with Mom
Tuesday night - soccer practice
Wednesday night - church
Thursday (every other) - nursing home
Friday -
Saturday - soccer game

One week we had all that plus a birthday which we got to spend with my sister and her kiddos, a birthday party, and we had to make boxes for collecting Bibles to place around the church. That meant lots of trips to Joanne's for craft materials. And since I don't do anything quickly and I wanted to save money, it took a lot of time to get done.

Another week I had 3 Bible studies in 2 days because two of my once-a-month studies met in the same week.

I kept trying to figure out what to cut out. Can't cut soccer but it will be over in a few more weeks. One month I did skip a Bible study. And I temporarily suspended our nursing home visits this month - although we traded one of those to go downtown to pass out Bible to the homeless.

What I have discovered -or rediscovered- is that this is not my season for such busyness. This is my season for staying home and meeting the needs of my husband and children.

I can't do the things I need to do around here if I'm always on the go.

I can't spend the time I want to with the kids when we're always getting ready to go somewhere.

So what have I done? I have made some decisions:

1. I need to pray a lot more before committing to something.

2. Roddy and I decided the class we were taking on Wednesday nights was for the birds. It was a parenting class that doesn't line up with our parenting philosophy, so we emailed the leaders and told them we were going to back out of it. They were great leaders, it was just the material we didn't care for. They were sweet about it and very understanding.

3. I asked my mom if she would mind if I didn't finish going to her church's weekly Bible study. It was a Beth Moore study - very good - but very time consuming. Between trying to do the homework and all the other running around we were doing, I didn't have any time for my own Bible-time. She too was gracious and understanding.

I think if you commit to something you should stick to it but in this case, I believe discontinuing both was what I needed to do. And I'm already reaping the rewards of LESS!

I LOVE being home!! This is my season!!!

Why I Don't Complain About My Kids

It is apparent to me that to many I give off the image that my kids are perfect or that we have it all together in the parenting department. Well they aren't and we don't!

And I've been struggling with wanting to clear that up without completely maligning my family.

So let me start by sharing two reasons why you won't hear complaining from me about my husband or kids.

1. When we first got married (and maybe still) I teased that my parents loved Roddy more than me. I mean who wouldn't, right?!! But early on in our marriage when Roddy would do things that upset me, I would call my mom up and gripe to her about whatever it was that he had done.

After a while, I noticed that when I complained about him to my mom, all that did was taint her view of him and possibly make her feel the need to side with me against him. Thankfully, I realized this pretty early on in our marriage, and I decided that I was not going to do that any more. I decided I wouldn't complain about him to my friends either.

I have come to believe that it is wrong to bad mouth your husband to others. It is disrespectful and, in all honesty, makes you look like a fool for choosing him. It also does nothing to bring your relationship closer. You might temporarily feel better because you got it off your chest and someone else may have given you the affirmation you desired but ultimately it helps you harbor bitterness against him. I could go on but I'll move on for now.

2. When I was a young mom, I had some great friends who were new moms, too. And being new moms and not used to the demands of motherhood, we were apt to complain about how hard it was.

When I was surprised by my pregnancy with Jackson, I was not excited. All I could think about was how hard it was going to be having 3 kids under 2 1/2 years of age!

The day he was born the doctors noticed he had an irregular heartbeat and started doing ultrasounds of his heart. Immediately I regreted every complaint I had made about having him because at that point I didn't know what was going to happen to him.

After that day, I made an effort not to be a complaining mother. Now let me give a disclaimer right now - this does not mean that I have never complained since. Oh contraire, mon frere! I have done my share! But I do try to accept the role God has given me and I make a point not to get into complaining-fests with other moms.

Afterall, how would I feel if my husband and kids complained about me to their friends? They would have plenty to say, but boy would it make me sad! And what purpose would it serve?

Philippians 2:14 says,

"Do all things without grumbling or questioning."

The NIV says,

"Do everything without complaining or arguing."

So how am I to be transparent about the fact that there are struggles going on in the Wagner house without tearing everyone down in the process? Because let me tell you, my family comes first. If everyone else has to be left wondering in order to protect my family, so be it. However, I did want to find an answer. So Roddy and I talked about this several times and finally came to the conclusion that we could/should freely share our own personal failures but there is not a need to share our kids failures.

Exasperated Part II

Ultimately if we want to be able to pass on our faith and influence our children in the way they should go, we must have their hearts. But if we are regularly exasperating our children, we will end up pushing them away. They will seek the acceptance they aren't getting from us somewhere else.

Yesterday's list plus today's is obviously not going to cover it all, but I hope I've got you thinking.

13. Withhold firm discipline and proper training. Spend no time training them so they will know what you expect.

14. Discipline inconsistently. Make boundaries unclear. Threaten consequences but don't follow through. (Inconsistency gives occasional permission to disobey and unclear boundaries make children feel insecure.)

15. Assert parental authority weakly. When you say no, allow them to continue to bring up the subject over and over...then give in.

16. Consistently believe evil of them. Be harsh and accusatory. Assume any trouble is their fault. Keep a record of wrongs and don't give fresh starts. (Believe evil of them and they will live up to it.)

17. Do not listen to them. And if you do, be sure to correct their immature believes or dreams immediately. Be intolerant.

18. Continually criticize them when they share their innermost feelings. Tease them about sensitive issues.

19. Communicate to them how unwanted they are. Say things like, "We are definitely done!" or "If I had him/her first, we would have stopped sooner!" Let them know what an inconvenience they are and that they are an intrusion to your life.

20. Threaten them with rejection. Especially in teen years, threaten that they may have to leave home.

21. Don't communicate to them approval, or that you like them. Don't praise proper behavior. Make sure they don't feel like they can measure up.

22. Neglect them. Only spend time with them when they need discipline. Ignore their love language.

23. Overindulge them. Let them think they should get whatever they want. (The most miserable children, by the way, are the ones that get whatever they want.) When they are obedient, kind, etc. be sure to run out and buy them something. Also, allow them to regularly make decisions for the whole family.

24. Reward insolence. Engage or continue discussions where they are allowed to speak to you disrespectfully or angrily.

25. Cease a time of chastisement before it has produced humility. This is one of the best ways to strengthen their will and will help to produce angry, rebellious teens.

There is so much more to keeping our children's hearts, these are just some of the ways to be sure you don't. I hope it's been eye-opening. I also hope you are willing to seek forgiveness from God and your children and start fresh.

His grace and forgiveness He gives freely to those who ask. If you don't know Him or know of the hope He offers and would like to, I'd be more than happy to share with you what He's done in my life. Just send a message to me at jennyrwagner@gmail.com and I'll be sure to get back to you.

Exasperated

Ephesians 6 tells us not to exasperate or provoke our children to anger but to bring them up in the discipline, training and instruction of the Lord.

I thought today I would share a list of ways that we as parents can exasperate our kids. This list is compliments of Reb Bradley with some of my own thoughts mixed in. I need this list as much as the next parent. So I'm excited about going through it with you.

If you want to exasperate your child, here are 12 ways to start...13 more will follow tomorrow:

1. Never admit you are wrong. Treat them as if you never make mistakes and can't possibly understand how they could. Never apologize.

2. Model hypocrisy. Expect them to do something or behave in a way that you don't. Examples) Complain and fuss about their messy room without taking care of the piles of stuff in yours. Fuss about how they talk to others but correct or disrespect their father in front of them.

3. Fail to keep promises. If you say you're going to do something, as a general rule do your best to follow through. This doesn't mean things don't come up that are unavoidable and kids should learn to accept those times, but for the most part try to be a person of your word.

4. Demand too much of them. Tolerate nothing less than perfection. Do not accept them for who they are - their preferences, tastes, personalities.

5. Overprotect them. Give them no chances to make mistakes. Especially as teens, make all their decisions for them.

6. Batter them with words. Habitually lecture them.

7. Abuse them verbally. Use a harsh tone. Criticize them. Say things like, "Why can't you just...?" or "When are you ever going to....?" Bark out orders. Yell at them.

8. Make discipline too severe. Don't discipline in love. Punish them instead.

9. Show favoritism towards their brother(s) or sister(s). Show less affection, kindness or tenderness. Give different consequences for same offenses but different offenders.

10. Embarrass them. Scold or threaten punishment in front of others. Talk about their short-comings as if they aren't there.

11. Give no time warnings ever.

12. Try to be their friend. Allow them to tease you and treat you as an equal but then expect them to turn off the friend-switch when you're ready to be the parent. Worry about asserting your authority because you don't want them to be mad at you and you just want them to love you.

If you don't think you struggle in any of these areas, ask your child or spouse. Then humbly accept the answer. Ask God to help you overcome any of these areas you see in your life that need to change.

Come back tomorrow for more...

Loving Discipline

I wanted to give another example of punishing v. disciplining our children because not all situations are to be handled with a spanking.

Spankings are reserved for instances where your child willfully chooses to disobey you. In other words, you ask them to not do something and they do it anyway, or you ask them to do something and they don't do it right away, all the way, and cheerfully.

Spankings are not to be used as discipline for childishness or thoughtlessness or for kids 12 and older. Spilling something at the table because they are playing around = childishness. Leaving the back door open when they run out to play = thoughtlessness.

When your child just isn't thinking and is not purposefully trying to disobey you, that is when you give a consequence fitting the offense.

When they spill something, patiently teach them how to clean up after themselves.

When they leave the door open, patiently call them back and have them practice going in and out of the door opening and closing it carefully each time. This is also good if you have kids that slam the door when they come in or out.

We teach our kids to take their plates, silverware and cups from the table after a meal, then have them ask what they can do to help clean up the kitchen. One of our boys was consistently forgetting to ask what he could do to help. He'd put his plate in the sink and run off. So we told him that from now on if he 'forgot', I would sweetly call him back and say, "Thank you for volunteering to clean up the kitchen for everyone."

Be sure before you implement a consequence that your child understands the standard or expectation. Surprising them with something new will only exasperate them. If you have a new rule in your house have them practice what you expect so you know they are capable and completely understand. Let them know what will happen if they don't do it and consistently follow through.

Also, be sure your standards are God's standards based on His Word. Manners are taught because they show love to others. Responsibility through chores and helping out teach our kids to be stewards of the time and gifts given from God. Obedience and honor to parents translates into obedience and honor to their Heavenly Father. Self-control is learning to say no to self and yes to God. Who doesn't want this for their children?

Again, the difference between punishment and discipline starts in your heart and should be for the purpose of reaching their heart. Is your purpose to benefit the child in teaching self-control and responsibility, love for God and others?

If so, look for every opportunity to step back, take a deep breath, evaluate the situation (are you dealing with rebellion or childishness?) and then apply loving discipline.

Punishment v. Discipline

As a mom do you punish or discipline your kids?

What's the difference?

I believe the difference starts in the heart.

One is about the offended. The other is about the offender.

One's purpose is payback. The other's purpose is to benefit the child.

One is done out of selfishness. The other is done out of selflessness.

One is motivated by anger and frustration. The other is motivated by love.

One is to please self. The other is to please God.

The result of one is distance, alienation. The result of the other is closeness, restoration.

Let me give you an example. Let's say your child disobeys you.

You can, out of frustration and annoyance, yell or threaten impending consequences. You could even calmly but with underlying anger dole out consequences. But do the consequences fit the crime? Do you over do it? What I mean is do you give more than one consequence just to make sure they really get it this time? Or do you extend a loss of privilege much longer than is necessary?

I have not even touched the subject of spanking yet on this blog and maybe I need to. I'll go into it more on another day but today just let me say that spankings given in love and patience are biblical and will change the heart of a child.

In the situation of a child who disobeys, the most loving thing you can do is calmly ask the child to wait for you in their room. If you are angry, PRAY! Do not go in until you are right with Jesus.

When you are ready, go into the child's room, soften your voice and ask him/her, "Did you obey Mommy when I asked you to...?" If they say no, then ask them, "What does God tell children about their parents?" And hopefully one of your child's first memory verses is Ephesians 6:1-3. Then remind them that you love them and you want them to be blessed for honoring you and it is your job to teach them that. Have them lay across your lap or the bed and calmly spank their underwear covered bottom.

Then immediately hug them and tell them again that you love them. At that point I usually ask them what they need to say to Mommy. Then they apologize for disobeying. Tell them they are forgiven. Pray for them and then give the original command again so they have another chance to do the right thing. If they do, praise them.

Ask yourself what your purpose is. Are you really trying to reach your child's heart for Jesus? Or are you just fed up?

Do you forget that you make mistakes too and expect your child to "get it" even when you don't?

Do you forget that you are still alive and well when all you deserve is hell? I do.

Do you point your child to the Cross and to their need for the loving Savior Who died for them and their sin? Or do you point the finger of condemnation?

There is a lot of parenting advice that is pure junk. A lot of it is sold in the Christian bookstore. I don't claim to be an expert but I do know that worldly wisdom has infiltrated our parenting and look where it's gotten us. Godly, Biblical advice is rare.

If you are seeking to train your children in the way they should go but aren't sure where to turn, I highly recommend the Bible first.
Second, two video series Biblical Insights Into Child Training and Beyond Obedience by Reb Bradley as well as his book Child Training Tips
Last, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

School Starts Soon

We're gearing up for school to start in a little over a week. I like to start early because I like to finish early (first week of May). I've thoroughly enjoyed the summer because I've been able to get a lot of projects done that I am just not motivated to do after schooling in the mornings during the school year. I'm a morning person, so most of my energy and ambition start early and wane as the day goes on.

As much as I've loved the ease of the summer break, I am also really looking forward to school again. I love the routine. I love teaching them (most of the time). I love that, Lord willing, Charlie will learn to read this year. And maybe Iris. I'm going to have her sit with us during his lessons.

I love that I have the freedom to have them home with me. That I don't have to send them off for someone else - who can't possibly love them as much as I do - influence them 8 hours a day.

I love that I don't have to be away from them all day and when they do come home have to fight the battle of untraining all the junk they pick up when they're around other kids hour after hour, day after day.

I love that because I get to spend so much time with them, I get to know them better than anyone else. I don't need someone else to tell me what they're good at or what they are struggling with in school. When they excel, I get to let them soar rather than holding them back with a room full of other kids. And when they struggle, I get to give them the one-on-one attention they need. They don't have to get by because the rest of the class needs to move on.

I love that I get to talk about God all day. That I get to tell them how He is in everything they learn. That He created everything they learn.

I love that I get to socialize them. I think it's funny that the number one question/argument against homeschooling is socialization but in school kids are segregated by age and subjected to bullying and teasing and peer pressure. I'll take teaching my kids how to love God and love others at home with siblings and friends and cousins and grandparents and nursing home residents of all ages over that any day!

Is homeschooling always easy? Absolutely NOT!

Is it worth the sacrifice of "me-time" and projects done to invest my life in theirs? ABSOLUTELY YES!

Bible-Time

After reading this post, Mrs. Schultz asked, "...do they do independent Bible reading or is that as a family/ or both?"

Answer: The kids who can read have their own Bible-time as part of their morning "chores". I use the term chore loosely because I don't consider Bible reading a chore. During their time, they pick what they want to read. When they come and ask me if they are free I usually ask them what they read and what they think it means. Sometimes I give a quick explanation if I think they need help understanding it. I have really enjoyed these quick wisdom lessons I get to have with them.

I don't place any expectations on their time. Sometimes they will only read one verse. I'm okay with that. This is their time. Sometimes all God wants is for us to focus on one verse. Other times, they may pick a whole chapter. I don't want someone dictating my time with the Lord so I don't dictate theirs.

After morning chores we all gather - even the little ones (who aren't so little anymore) - for Bible-time that I lead. Usually we sit on the floor in my room since that is where we keep the Bibles and the books that we use during our time. Everyone has a Bible to look up the verse or verses we'll read.

During this time we review the books of the Bible and/or the verses we're memorizing together. Then we either read from one of our Bible-time books, looking up Scripture to go with it, or I pick a topic that I think needs to be discussed and we look up scripture to go along with that.

Of course, I always end our time in prayer. I encourage each child to pray but don't force it. Then I pray last.


Books I use? Hands down, my all-time favorite is Wisdom and the Millers, although I love the whole Miller Family Series of books. We call it Miller Time! Hee hee!

Also, The Original 21 Rules of This House and Our 24 Family Ways are great.

Sometimes I'll read The Squire and The Scroll as we talk about guarding our hearts by guarding our eyes, ears and mouths.

If you aren't starting your day in the Word you're missing out. There is a noticeable difference when I think I can just skip it for the day because other matters seem more pressing.

If you homeschool, this should be your first "class." Someone said, "Well, we do devotions together as a family at night (when the husband is home)." Great! But you also need to start your day with the Word.

If your kids go to school, take time during breakfast. I have a friend who is adamant about getting up in time to have devotions with her kids before school. It can be done. It just needs to be a priority.

You will see the benefits!

One of Our Parenting Journeys

This may be more than you ever wanted to know about us. But here goes...

Thirteen years ago when Roddy and I got married, I said I never wanted to have children! I was adamant. People would tell me I would change my mind and that made me more adamant. The only reason I would consider having them is so that if something ever happened to Roddy, I would have a little bit of him with me.

I viewed children and teens as unruly and disobedient and had no intention of subjecting myself to that. One day at lunch I asked my mom if she would be upset if I went ahead and had my tubes tied.

Obviously, God changed my heart. Starting around our 3rd anniversary we would go back and forth saying, "We're ready. We won't prevent and just see what happens." or "What are we crazy!? We're not ready, yet."

A few months later, our friends who were trying to get pregnant through fertility treatments talked us into 'trying'. Four weeks later I woke up nauseous for my first doctor appointment. When I had a sonogram a couple months later I found out I was a month further along. So when we thought we were trying, I was actually pregnant.

Because Emma was such a good baby we didn't even discuss it but decided we didn't care if we got pregnant again. So when Emma was 16 months old, Gray was born.

We decided we would wait a few years and maybe have 2 more. "The plans of mice and men!!"

Surprise! And Jackson was born when Gray was 15 months old. I always wanted an even number so we tried for Charlie. Jackson was 16 months old when Charlie was born and Emma was not yet 4.

So 4 children in less than 4 years!

When Charlie was 7 or 8 months old we started talking about Roddy getting a vasectomy. Our reasons were that we wanted to be able to go on missions trips with the kids some day. And if I'm always pregnant and/or nursing, I wouldn't be able to do that. I also just didn't think I could have another baby and if we didn't do something, I was sure to get pregnant.

We made our decision with the stipulation that if we changed our minds and wanted more, we'd just have the vasectomy reversed. No big deal, right? I was only 29. We had plenty of time to have more. One thing I didn't know was that reversals are NOT covered by insurance!

So we scheduled the surgery. When Roddy was called back and I was left in the waiting room, I started crying thinking, "We're not going to change our minds and I'm not going to get to have anymore children."

On the way home, we stopped at the store to get Roddy's pain meds and I picked up a pregnancy test. I had been teasing Roddy that I had gotten pregnant 2 weeks before and had asked him to pick up a test for me. He kept forgetting. So as he was in line checking out, I took out one of the tests and ran in the bathroom.

That's when I found out I was pregnant with Iris! Praise the Lord! I was so excited even though I had said I just couldn't have anymore right then. Well guess what? I did have another one and it was great.

For a time I felt satisfied with the size of our family. The desire to have more would come and go but mostly I was content. Until Iris was 2, that is. Then I was ready for more. Roddy wasn't. So I prayed and prayed that God would take the desire away. He did some of the time. But it kept coming back.

I didn't want to nag Roddy about it because I know that when I don't submit to his decisions things don't go well. Instead I prayed that God would talk to Roddy. If God wanted us to have more, I prayed that He would prompt him to talk to me about it.

In the last year, we started talking about adopting. We both thought it would be great to adopt a sibling group. We didn't care what size or race or where they were from but did want to wait until Iris was a little older. At our Missionsfest event at the end of February, I stopped at the Florida Baptist Children's Home table. I got some information and then while we ate dinner, talked with Roddy about starting the process. He was all for it, thinking it would take a couple years to get through it all and that would be perfect timing.

That night as we talked about it, it hit me that this meant I would not be having anymore of my own children. I grieved and cried myself to sleep.

I don't know how we got on the topic the next night but during our talk I was able to tell Roddy all the things I had been thinking and praying for the last 2 years (since he told me he wasn't ready to have a reversal). I cried again.

The next morning I came downstairs into the kitchen and out of nowhere, Roddy said, "I can't think of a biblical reason not to have more." I was a little shocked. To clarify before I got too excited I asked, "Does that mean you're getting a reversal?"

"I guess so," was his reply.

Trying to retain some composure I coolly asked if I could go ahead and do some research for him for a doctor and if I could tell Cece. He said I could and I told him I'd have an appointment by the time he got to work! (I said I tried to retain some composure!)

We decided on a doctor in Indiana. He was recommended by someone who had a successful reversal done by him and because he's an advocate for families, he charges a fraction of the cost that others charge.

We are hoping to find out this week if we can get an appointment for May.

When I told my parents, my dad said, "So does this mean your going to be like that Duggar lady?" I laughed and said, "No. She's way ahead of me." Not to mention the fact that I've wasted 4 years because of the stupid vasectomy decision.

I don't know what's going to happen - if the reversal will even work. I'm praying hard that it will. And I don't know if it does, if God will give us more children. At this point, we are open to letting Him finally have control of our family size.

So there you go. The good, the bad and the more-than-you-ever-wanted-to-know about one of our parenting journeys.

Competency Exam

For those of you who homeschool, have you ever wondered if or worried about being competent for this job? Or if you don't homeschool, have you thought about it but worried that you wouldn't be competent for the job?

RC Sproul Jr. has a quick and easy test for you. It goes like this:

"...wait until it is late at night. Then, very quietly, go from room to room in your house. Peek in carefully, and see if you find any sleeping children. Then be sure that these are your own children. If there are wee ones in your home during the wee hours, and if they belong to you, you are competent to homeschool. The true Expert on education is the very One who gave you these children."