Some Time is Finite

Last night I got to listen to my friend present:  An Evening of Ordered Steps

She shared with a roomful of moms how she has simplified, organized and ordered her home in order to be more efficient with the time she has been given with her loved ones. 

There were many things that stood out but the one I wanted to share with you all was this:

We have a finite amount of time with our loved ones.

We have a finite number of visits with our parents.

We have a finite number of dates we can take our children on.

Her point was, what are we missing out on because we're doing so many other things?  We may be doing a whole lot of great things but are we choosing what is BEST?

We need to evaluate how we are spending our time.  What are our priorities and are they lining up with God's Word?  Ministry is a great example.  Of course God wants us to minister to others, but not at the expense of the little ones we have at home. 

There is a season when we may have more time than we know what to do with.  We must really think about what we're investing in.

Our children were given to us to love, train, instruct, disciple and discipline.  We will be the ones who stand before God and give account for every careless word.

It is a responsibility not to be taken lightly.

One Day

One day, my children will understand what I do for them.

One day, they will appreciate my 7 years straight of being pregnant and/or nursing.

One day, they will thank me for not sending them off to school and preschool so that I can have "me" time or so I can go to the gym or out for coffee with my girlfriends in the middle of the day. 

One day, they will realize how much laundry they made for me.

One day, they will understand why I don't let them eat junk food or watch tv whenever they want to.

One day, they will understand the struggle not to show my frustration or lose my temper.

One day, they will understand and appreciate why I correct and discipline them.

One day, they will thank me.

Today, I'm hanging by a thread on that one day.

~~~~~~~

Most days, I do what I do because it's the right thing to do.  Not because I need praise or accolades.  Not even because I need that one day in the future when they are parents themselves and truly understand this undertaking.  I do it because it's what I believe I should do.

But today, I guess I'm feeling selfish.  Today, I want to be the "Best Mom in the World!" because they know what  it takes to do this job.  That's where I am today.  But as Scarlett says, "Tomorrow's another day!" And I'm sure it will be better tomorrow.

Being Thankful

When you're in the midst of having babies and little ones, you don't realize what you have until it's gone.  When I had Emma, seasoned moms told me it would go by fast.  I took their words to heart.  But even still, it went too, too fast!

I kept a friend's 4-month old one day last week.  The next morning I saw the washed bottle we had given him the day before and wanted to run down to her house to get him again!

Life for me right now is pretty easy.  Meaning, I don't have diapers to change.  I don't have feedings to keep up with.  I can even skip naps if I want to.  I don't have sippy cups to fill.  No baby food to spoon out. No diaper bags or pacifiers to keep up with.  No burp cloths and bibs to wash.  I don't even give baths.

I've come to realize the work that comes with having kids is less about how many you have and more about how old they are.

I also realize what it's like to have something and then not have it and miss it sooo much.

I promised during our cold winter months that I would never complain about the heat of summer again (I don't care for cold weather at all!).  And if I ever get the chance to have my own little ones again, I promise never to complain about all the work required to take care of them.

I share this to hopefully encourage some of you moms of little ones or soon to be moms. I know how tiring it is. I was reminded last week of how much work it is.  But pray that God would help you enjoy pregnancy.  Enjoy spit up and nasty diapers.  Enjoy little bitties wanting to be held.  Enjoy potty training.  Enjoy being asked to play cars or blocks or baby dolls. Enjoy interuptions and not being able to get it all done.

When you want to complain, ask God to show you what to be thankful for.  And I will promise to do the same for all that's involved with my stage of motherhood.

Finding Joy in Motherhood

Feeling discouraged?

Is the day-to-day of motherhood waying you down?

Feel the need for a pick-me-up?

Sheri is offering words of encouragement for us.

Monday's Motto

Hospitality is this:

What we have received from the Lord,
we gladly share with you.

This was one of the quotes from last Monday's "Evenings with Victoria Botkin." Her point was that as mothers we have seasons. If you have young ones at home, this may not be the time for Martha Stewart entertaining. It's the season for adding an extra plate at the table for mac-n-cheese. It's fellowship while folding laundry.

Gotta tell ya, that is extremely freeing for me!

A Mother's High Calling

The Stay at Home Missionary quoted this on her blog. I couldn't resist copying it here...

"Oh that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a babe is placed in her bosom to be nursed and trained! Could she have but one glimpse into the future of that life as it reaches into eternity; could she look into it's soul to see it's possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for it's destiny,- she would see that in all God's world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no other hands the sacred and holy trust given to her."

- JR Miller

My Season

The last couple months have been crazy around here. Wednesday night classes at church started, soccer started, a weekly Bible study with my mom's church started. We had 2 birthdays which = 2 birthday parties plus 2 friends' birthday parties, and an anniversary which = a surprise weekend away (more on that later).

Our typical week has been:
Sunday - church
Sunday night - Awanas
Monday night - Library
Tuesday - weekly Bible study with Mom
Tuesday night - soccer practice
Wednesday night - church
Thursday (every other) - nursing home
Friday -
Saturday - soccer game

One week we had all that plus a birthday which we got to spend with my sister and her kiddos, a birthday party, and we had to make boxes for collecting Bibles to place around the church. That meant lots of trips to Joanne's for craft materials. And since I don't do anything quickly and I wanted to save money, it took a lot of time to get done.

Another week I had 3 Bible studies in 2 days because two of my once-a-month studies met in the same week.

I kept trying to figure out what to cut out. Can't cut soccer but it will be over in a few more weeks. One month I did skip a Bible study. And I temporarily suspended our nursing home visits this month - although we traded one of those to go downtown to pass out Bible to the homeless.

What I have discovered -or rediscovered- is that this is not my season for such busyness. This is my season for staying home and meeting the needs of my husband and children.

I can't do the things I need to do around here if I'm always on the go.

I can't spend the time I want to with the kids when we're always getting ready to go somewhere.

So what have I done? I have made some decisions:

1. I need to pray a lot more before committing to something.

2. Roddy and I decided the class we were taking on Wednesday nights was for the birds. It was a parenting class that doesn't line up with our parenting philosophy, so we emailed the leaders and told them we were going to back out of it. They were great leaders, it was just the material we didn't care for. They were sweet about it and very understanding.

3. I asked my mom if she would mind if I didn't finish going to her church's weekly Bible study. It was a Beth Moore study - very good - but very time consuming. Between trying to do the homework and all the other running around we were doing, I didn't have any time for my own Bible-time. She too was gracious and understanding.

I think if you commit to something you should stick to it but in this case, I believe discontinuing both was what I needed to do. And I'm already reaping the rewards of LESS!

I LOVE being home!! This is my season!!!

Exasperated Part II

Ultimately if we want to be able to pass on our faith and influence our children in the way they should go, we must have their hearts. But if we are regularly exasperating our children, we will end up pushing them away. They will seek the acceptance they aren't getting from us somewhere else.

Yesterday's list plus today's is obviously not going to cover it all, but I hope I've got you thinking.

13. Withhold firm discipline and proper training. Spend no time training them so they will know what you expect.

14. Discipline inconsistently. Make boundaries unclear. Threaten consequences but don't follow through. (Inconsistency gives occasional permission to disobey and unclear boundaries make children feel insecure.)

15. Assert parental authority weakly. When you say no, allow them to continue to bring up the subject over and over...then give in.

16. Consistently believe evil of them. Be harsh and accusatory. Assume any trouble is their fault. Keep a record of wrongs and don't give fresh starts. (Believe evil of them and they will live up to it.)

17. Do not listen to them. And if you do, be sure to correct their immature believes or dreams immediately. Be intolerant.

18. Continually criticize them when they share their innermost feelings. Tease them about sensitive issues.

19. Communicate to them how unwanted they are. Say things like, "We are definitely done!" or "If I had him/her first, we would have stopped sooner!" Let them know what an inconvenience they are and that they are an intrusion to your life.

20. Threaten them with rejection. Especially in teen years, threaten that they may have to leave home.

21. Don't communicate to them approval, or that you like them. Don't praise proper behavior. Make sure they don't feel like they can measure up.

22. Neglect them. Only spend time with them when they need discipline. Ignore their love language.

23. Overindulge them. Let them think they should get whatever they want. (The most miserable children, by the way, are the ones that get whatever they want.) When they are obedient, kind, etc. be sure to run out and buy them something. Also, allow them to regularly make decisions for the whole family.

24. Reward insolence. Engage or continue discussions where they are allowed to speak to you disrespectfully or angrily.

25. Cease a time of chastisement before it has produced humility. This is one of the best ways to strengthen their will and will help to produce angry, rebellious teens.

There is so much more to keeping our children's hearts, these are just some of the ways to be sure you don't. I hope it's been eye-opening. I also hope you are willing to seek forgiveness from God and your children and start fresh.

His grace and forgiveness He gives freely to those who ask. If you don't know Him or know of the hope He offers and would like to, I'd be more than happy to share with you what He's done in my life. Just send a message to me at jennyrwagner@gmail.com and I'll be sure to get back to you.

Exasperated

Ephesians 6 tells us not to exasperate or provoke our children to anger but to bring them up in the discipline, training and instruction of the Lord.

I thought today I would share a list of ways that we as parents can exasperate our kids. This list is compliments of Reb Bradley with some of my own thoughts mixed in. I need this list as much as the next parent. So I'm excited about going through it with you.

If you want to exasperate your child, here are 12 ways to start...13 more will follow tomorrow:

1. Never admit you are wrong. Treat them as if you never make mistakes and can't possibly understand how they could. Never apologize.

2. Model hypocrisy. Expect them to do something or behave in a way that you don't. Examples) Complain and fuss about their messy room without taking care of the piles of stuff in yours. Fuss about how they talk to others but correct or disrespect their father in front of them.

3. Fail to keep promises. If you say you're going to do something, as a general rule do your best to follow through. This doesn't mean things don't come up that are unavoidable and kids should learn to accept those times, but for the most part try to be a person of your word.

4. Demand too much of them. Tolerate nothing less than perfection. Do not accept them for who they are - their preferences, tastes, personalities.

5. Overprotect them. Give them no chances to make mistakes. Especially as teens, make all their decisions for them.

6. Batter them with words. Habitually lecture them.

7. Abuse them verbally. Use a harsh tone. Criticize them. Say things like, "Why can't you just...?" or "When are you ever going to....?" Bark out orders. Yell at them.

8. Make discipline too severe. Don't discipline in love. Punish them instead.

9. Show favoritism towards their brother(s) or sister(s). Show less affection, kindness or tenderness. Give different consequences for same offenses but different offenders.

10. Embarrass them. Scold or threaten punishment in front of others. Talk about their short-comings as if they aren't there.

11. Give no time warnings ever.

12. Try to be their friend. Allow them to tease you and treat you as an equal but then expect them to turn off the friend-switch when you're ready to be the parent. Worry about asserting your authority because you don't want them to be mad at you and you just want them to love you.

If you don't think you struggle in any of these areas, ask your child or spouse. Then humbly accept the answer. Ask God to help you overcome any of these areas you see in your life that need to change.

Come back tomorrow for more...

Not Yet

No, I'm not pregnant yet.

I've been asked quite a few times in the last week if I'm pregnant. I thought since I put you through all of this, I should at least update you on our progress.

The first month was the worst. To say I was obsessed would be putting it mildly. With every twinge and pain I had thoughts like, I must be pregnant. That must be implanting. My uterus must be growing already!

I didn't even wait to see if my period was going to start. I took one test several days early - hey, it said EARLY detection. I asked Roddy to hide the other one so I couldn't find it. Then I talked him into giving it to me the night before my period.

All I had to do was wait 8 hours and I would have known! Now I've asked him not to even buy me a test until I miss my period.

The last two months have been much better. I assume I'm not pregnant - or atleast try to tell myself that - so I won't be disappointed. Okay so I will be disappointed but let's face it, for someone who has never had a hard time getting pregnant, this has been a change.

But I know it's all about trusting God and letting go of my death grip on the control I want to have.

Good learning experience, right?!

I'll keep you posted...

Being Accountable

When you get angry with your children and yell at them, do you feel like the worst mom ever?

Do you feel like you don't know why God gave you children because you don't deserve them?

I do. I also wonder why I want more because I don't deserve the ones I have.

I threw a fit this morning with my oldest son. A fit is putting it mildly and really not accurate. I was angry and fed up and I was going to make sure he knew it.

Why was I angry? Because I'm selfish and want things done my way. Because my focus was not on training my son, it was on controlling him.

I sent Emma and Jay with my friend to VBS and the rest of us stayed home even though I was committed to helping out. I didn't want to go and put on a smile and pretend everything was hunky-dory. I also didn't want to go and complain about what had happened.

I don't know about you, but when I act so unkind to my children, I completely forget all the good things I've ever done. This morning even as I was thinking about how I would encourage another mom in the same situation, I talked myself out of being comforted because I just didn't feel deserving.

Then I thought about the people who think I have it altogether and what a hypocrite I am. I don't yell at my kids when other people are around. My self-control is amazing when I have others around. And I'm not saying I yell at my kids every day, all day. But I have yelled at them and used harsh tones and even doing that once is a sin and poor example to them.

What is my point? First, that I want to be real. I don't want to appear to have it all together. And second, that if you ever feel like the only one who messes up as a mom, you are not alone!

I always tell my kids if they mess up, confess it, ask forgiveness and figure out what you can learn from your mistake so you don't do it again.

So what am I going to do next time I feel anger creeping in? What I should do is run to Jesus! James 4:7 says I should submit myself to God and resist the devil so he will flee from me.

I have to check my focus. Ask myself what my motive is. Am I training in love or controlling in selfishness? Am I pleasing God or myself? Am I building up or tearing down?

James also tells us that anger does not produce the righteous life that God desires. If I don't correct, discipline or train my children in love but use anger, the only thing I'm accomplishing is passing on that anger to my children. And I sure don't want to do that.

I want to be accountable. Feel free to email or call me and ask me how I'm doing. Feel free to ask me how I'm doing in the selfishness department. Or in the controlling instead of training department. Or in pleasing God instead of myself.

I called my mom a little later and she encouraged me and reminded me in so many words that today was an exception rather than a rule. My mom's my cheerleader! Thanks for today, Mom. I love you!

Thought For Today

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal bodies,

to make you obey their passions.

Do not present your members to sin

as instruments for unrighteousness,

but present yourselves to God

as those who have been brought from death to life,

and your members to God

as instruments for righteousness.

For sin will have no dominion over you,

since you are not under law but under grace.

Romans 6:12-14

What if each morning and then several times throughout our day we presented our members - hands, feet, eyes, mouth, mind, heart - to God to be used for righteousness?

Shame and Discipline

Stumbled across this post...

Sowing and Reaping

"But if you do not take trouble with your children when they are young, they will give you trouble when they are old. Choose which you prefer."

-J.C. Ryle

In other words, it is often inconvenient and tedious to take the time necessary to train, instruct, correct and discipline our children consistently. But to ignore what needs to be done now will only give you more trouble later.

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:15

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly,

and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.

II Corinthians 9:6

A Parents' Daily Prayer

I love Scripture and the Lord loves to hear us using it in our prayers to Him. Here is a prayer I wrote for a parenting class we taught a while back...

Walk on Water, Mama

Whenever I hear or read something I want to remember, I scratch it down on whatever paper is nearby. While cleaning out the office this morning, I found part of a torn envelope on which I had written:

Peter said, "If it's You, Lord, I will come."

We can say, "You called me to this, Lord. I can walk on water."

I can be the mother He wants me to be only because of Him.

The idea that I could actually be the mother God wants me to be seems as impossible as walking on water when I think of how far I miss the mark everyday. But I have been called to this just as Jesus called Peter out of the boat. I just have to keep my eyes on Him and go to Him for what I need in order to do what seems unfathomable.

And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."

He said, "Come"

So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.

Matthew 14:28-29

So, walk on water, all you Mama's out there. You've been called to this and Jesus is right there waiting for you to come to Him.

Harvest of Righteousness

Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.
Without having any chief, officer, or ruler,
she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest.
How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.
Psalm 6:6-11

Normally when we think of these verses, we think of someone who is lazy in their work habits. But you know how sometimes verses just hit you in other ways? I realized this verse also applies to my parenting. If I am lazy or slack in my parenting, what will be the result? What will "poverty" in the lives of my children look like? Discord between siblings, selfishness, lack of concern for pleasing God?

But if I am careful to love, discipline, disciple, train and instruct my children, what is the result? Love for God and others. Hebrews says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." And James says, "Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."

What kind of harvest do I want to yield? If a harvest of righteousness, am I willing to put my selfish desires aside to put time and energy into the things that will produce that in my life and my children’s lives?