How We Told

I never shared how we announced to the children that we were expecting a baby. 

They knew we were wanting to get pregnant.  They knew (at least the three oldest) what the trip to Chicago was about last May.

So they would ask from time to time if I was pregnant and I so often told them, "No, not this month."

Finally, I was.  And I didn't just want to call a family meeting and spill it out after that long of a wait.  I wanted to do something to make it even more exciting.

I wrote a scrambled word on 5 different pieces of paper. I then folded those up and attached them to clues which I hid throughout the house.  The clues were to the next piece of paper. 

Waiting for me to finish setting up...

This was the first clue to the storage closet under the stairs...

They had to wait to open the scrambled words until they found all of them and made it back downstairs.

I was going to show a picture of the words unscrambled but Blogger won't let me!

Anyway, the message was, "Mommy is having a baby" and the kids were very excited when they figured it out. Yea!! A baby!!!



It's a....

I had a sonogram this morning at the doctor's office and we found out that we're having a....

  BOY!!!

Yea!!! We're all so excited. 

Now we just have to make sure the name we've picked is going to be the one that sticks.  That's one of the reasons I need to know ahead of time.  Because we have totally changed one of more of the kids' names before they were born.

Ready!

Yesterday in the mail we received a video from our agency's director who just returned from Ethiopia.  I couldn't wait until Roddy got home so the kids and I watched part of it then last night we all sat down to finish watching it.  The video was of the director going to the care center where our girls are.  It showed them introducing themselves and doing a little Ethiopian dance.   It also showed them receiving our care packages. 

When it was over Gray said, "How much longer..to get them?"

I said, "Probably four months."

Gray, "Awww."

I said, "Are you ready to have them here?"

And they all said, "Yeah!!"

I love that even my boys are excited and thankful they all have sweet hearts and want their sisters home!

Thoughts About Having 9 Children

Someone asked me what my thoughts have been realizing we will go from having 5 children to 9 in the next seven months.

Well, I've had lots of thoughts.  The thought of the work load actually doesn't phase me too much.  I can handle more laundry and food preparation and dishes, etc.  Our current 5 are very helpful and independent.  I'll expect the same from the K, A and E after their transition to their new home, country, family, etc.  I've never been one to baby my kids.  If they can hold a cup, they can walk to the refrigerator and get their own ice and water.

The most daunting part right now in my mind about the girls coming from Ethiopia is the medical stuff - parasites, lice, scabies, ringworm.  I don't know if they will have all or just some of the above but I'm not looking forward to any of that.  And I don't want the kids here to get any of it!

I told my mom if people ask me to help, I'm going to take it.  I'll be washing sheets daily for at least the first month and vacuuming twice a day.  And propably wiping everything down like a woman with OCD on steroids!

I'll also be teaching them how to use a toilet and not the backyard.  How to wash themselves, brush their teeth properly, wear underwear, use toilet paper, that sort of stuff. 

And since you never know how they are going to transition, I'm preparing for the worst...rejection, fits, etc.  Think about it...some crazy white family is taking them out of their culture, away from their people to a place they can't even imagine with strange food and an overabundance of everything.  It has to be shocking to them.

I was also thinking one night in bed about how sad it is for them.  They went to bed without a kiss from their mommy.  And when they woke up in the morning, she wasn't there to greet them with a smile or a hug.  So while it's great that they get the opportunity to live in this affluent country and have the best brothers and sisters in the world, who wouldn't trade all that for their mommy?

School next year is a blur!  I have no idea how I will get it done.  Again, if anyone knows a teenager who needs community service hours next year, surely that would count, right?!  I will basically do kindergarten with the K, A & E.  And then will have grades 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th & 6th.

My word for next year is "NO".  Not to my kids but to outside activities and commitments...at least until July.

I am looking forward to the baby and all the hands that are eager to hold and pet him or her.

I will say I had a talk with God and respectfully told Him He got us into this. I'm going to need Him to HELP me through it!  I CAN NOT DO IT MYSELF!

So there you go. 

Hallelujah!!!

9 weeks along

Estimated due date: April 3, 2010

(Technically, I guess this child is #9 since the girls should be here before he/she arrives.)

Yes, We're Crazy

I know people think I'm crazy having five kids.  And even crazier wanting more.  And now even crazier wanting to adopt more than one, not a baby, and from a foreign country.

If you've ever been pregnant, inevitably you've been told horror stories of other's pregnancies and especially deliveries.  Well the adoption horror stories and warnings have just begun - only they haven't been from people who have been there, they were other people's stories being retold to me. 

So I decided to talk to someone who has actually adopted older kids from Ethiopia.  A mom and dad in Nebraska who have 2 grown, married children, adopted 6 kids (3 sibling groups- ages 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10 at the time) about a year and a half ago.  They are now in the process of adopting 2 more girls ages 6 and 9. 

I called her this afternoon.  She told me flat out all that they went through during the long adjustment period.  She didn't glamorize or sugar-coat any of it.  But she concluded our hour-long conversation with, "It's a wonderful experience.  I wouldn't trade it for anything."

I can actually relate.  Because that's how I feel about having had 5 kids in 5 1/2 years.  Yes it was crazy and tiring and hard, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I would recommend it to others.

So as nutty as it sounds that I would want to put myself through what they went through, I can see what she means when she says she wouldn't trade it for anything. 

And trust me, after the conversations I had Sunday with the horror-story people, I was not sure.

By the way, I did ask her if she was just an easy-going person.  She said absolutely not. She is type A, likes to get things done in a certain time frame, but she has learned to slow down and appreciate things more through all of it.\

It was a great conversation and I'm sure I'll be calling her again.

Photos: Bringing Iris home from the hospital.  Emma (5), Gray (4), Jackson (almost 3), Charlie (1 1/2).  I had just donated my hair to Locks of Love.  I do not recommend making major decisions like that right before having a baby!

Sunday's Photo Shoot

Emma  ~ 10

Gray ~ 9

Jay ~ 8

Charlie ~ 6

Iris ~ 5

Imagine

I need you to imagine yourself as 10 years old again.  That would be 4th or 5th grade.  Do you remember your elementary school?  The school bus or your mom picking you up?

Now think about the home you lived in at that time.  My parents still live in mine.  Do you remember your room?  Mine was lavendar at one point with unicorns.

Did you share your room with a sibling?  Did you have dressers or desks?  I'm sure you had toys. 

Think about the kitchen and where your parents kept the food.  We had green lanolium flooring with a green refrigerator and I think pineapples on the wallpaper.  It's been updated since then!

Now I want you to imagine all of that being taken away from you.  Better yet, take yourself completely out of America and place yourself in Africa.

Imagine that either one or both of your parents have died from HIV or pneumonia or malaria and because your extended family is so poor no one can afford to take care of you, you are put in an orphanage. 

Imagine sharing a bed with 3 other children. Imagine being grateful for the same meal 3 times a day, 7 days a week because at least you have food.  And Imagine knowing that in a couple of years you're going to age out of the orpanage.

At 13, you'll be sent out to the streets to fend for yourself. If you are a girl, you'll have to prostitute to get a meal.  Your stomach will hurt because of parasites and you'll itch all over because of the lice and/or scabies.

Now, imagine your own child in that situation.

What would you do to protect them from that?

I'd do anything! Pay anything! Wouldn't you?

For the last few years, adoption has been something Roddy and I have talked off and on about.  Last year we had decided to start the adoption process but then after lots of discussion decided to go the reversal route.

In the back of my mind I still wanted to adopt whether we had more of our own or not, but just didn't actively pursue it after that. 

Well a couple of weeks ago, I quit thinking about it and called the local Baptist Children's Home which now has an extension on our church property.  We went to meet the lady and decided to see what doors God would open and close for us.

Then last week I was at a friend's house and she was telling me about her friend who had just adopted 2 sisters from Ethiopia in January.  Later that day, she sent me a link to this friend's blog. 

One of the first posts I read was about 3 children she had met in Ethiopia who were on a waiting list with her agency.  They are older children and have been there a year already.  Why?  Because of their age.  No one wants older kids.  Everyone wants cute little babies.

This is an excerpt from one post:

What an awful thing for a child to have to hope for-that they are good enough, cute enough, young enough or healthy enough to be desirable and worthy of a family. My husband and I met 3 of the children that are on the waiting list-two of which have been waiting since at least September when we first saw our girls. I've seen the children who still wait standing eagerly beside the visiting adoptive families, hoping to hear their name called to come and get a package from home. I've witnessed first hand their disappointment when their name is passed by. How does that feel??? To know you have not been placed. After a while, it would be hard to keep hoping. Do they conclude that they are undesirable? Do they start to believe that they are unlovable?

So I read a couple of Jessica's posts and that night made Roddy read them. I said, "What do you think?"

In my mind I had always pictured a sibling group of 3 younger than Iris (5) because in all our talks, we had said we wouldn't get anyone older than her. 

His response was, "I think we should adopt them."

Yes!! I was hoping he would say that.

So I emailed Jessica to see if we could get together to ask her some questions.  This was Wednesday of last week.  Saturday night their whole beautiful family came over for dinner and answered all our questions. 

That night I emailed the agent and told him that we were interested in adopting K, M & MM.  K is a 10 year old boy, his sister M is 7.  And the other girl, MM, is 9 or 10 and has no siblings.  The agent told me someone is considering the single girl but I told him to let me know if the family changes their mind.

Anyway.  Long story, not so short, we are filling out lots and lots of paperwork right now in hopes of bringing home our children in the next 6-9 months.

The kids are thrilled.  They pray for them everyday at meals and bedtime and Bible time.  They pray that God will let us bring them home soon and that He will give us the money to adopt them. 

We've never considered overseas adoption because of the cost but because we feel this is His will for us, we know that God will provide!  Money is nothing to Him.  And how could the cost ever be considered too high to keep our children from the suffering they are otherwise destined to endure?

The Kids' Money System

I have been wanting to implement some kind of system for the kids to organize their money.They get paid a few dollars a week and what I've been doing is ever so often I'll say, "Okay, you've probably been paid enough to put a dollar in the offering plate for your tithe." Not a good system.

And if they ever ask to buy something at the store, I always say no because I don't want them to spend all their money. Or I don't want them to think that just because there is money in their wallet, they should spend it.

Well my friend had this great idea to keep up with her cash envelope system. She went to the dollar store and bought a coupon folder (the kind that will fit in your purse). After she's sorts her cash into envelopes labeled "groceries", "pet care", etc., she then slips them into her little coupon folder. Before heading out, she can either grab just the envelope she needs or take the whole coupon folder with her.

So, like I always do when I see a great idea, I stole it! Not her coupon folder, the idea!Now, when I pay the kids, they automatically give me their tithe money from change they keep in their wallets. I put it in individual envelopes for them to put in the offering Sunday morning.


Then they can divide their money up between spending, saving and gifts. The spending money goes in their wallets. That way if we've decided they can buy something when we go to the store, they just take their wallets.

Their savings and gift money goes in a coupon organizer. They can either save up for something big now or put the money in their bank accounts. Emma's saving for a horse ranch one day so she's serious about putting it in the bank. Their gift money is for them to use when they want to buy birthday gifts for each other or gifts for family at Christmas. What about you? What do you do with your kids' money?

Nursing Home Visit

I'm still catching up from December.  Here are the kids making cards to take to the nursing home where we caroled with the Fittros.

All eleven of 'em... 

Monday's Motto

"Enjoy those kids today!"

This is what Roddy tells me everyday when he leaves for work.  Good advice.  Enjoy them now, before I know it, they will be grown and out of the house. I will miss all the work, interuptions, and messes.

Playing in the Rain

I love that we live where it's warm the majority of the year!  First week of December and it was still warm enough to play in the rain!

That was one muddy load of laundry.

Why I Don't Complain About My Kids

It is apparent to me that to many I give off the image that my kids are perfect or that we have it all together in the parenting department. Well they aren't and we don't!

And I've been struggling with wanting to clear that up without completely maligning my family.

So let me start by sharing two reasons why you won't hear complaining from me about my husband or kids.

1. When we first got married (and maybe still) I teased that my parents loved Roddy more than me. I mean who wouldn't, right?!! But early on in our marriage when Roddy would do things that upset me, I would call my mom up and gripe to her about whatever it was that he had done.

After a while, I noticed that when I complained about him to my mom, all that did was taint her view of him and possibly make her feel the need to side with me against him. Thankfully, I realized this pretty early on in our marriage, and I decided that I was not going to do that any more. I decided I wouldn't complain about him to my friends either.

I have come to believe that it is wrong to bad mouth your husband to others. It is disrespectful and, in all honesty, makes you look like a fool for choosing him. It also does nothing to bring your relationship closer. You might temporarily feel better because you got it off your chest and someone else may have given you the affirmation you desired but ultimately it helps you harbor bitterness against him. I could go on but I'll move on for now.

2. When I was a young mom, I had some great friends who were new moms, too. And being new moms and not used to the demands of motherhood, we were apt to complain about how hard it was.

When I was surprised by my pregnancy with Jackson, I was not excited. All I could think about was how hard it was going to be having 3 kids under 2 1/2 years of age!

The day he was born the doctors noticed he had an irregular heartbeat and started doing ultrasounds of his heart. Immediately I regreted every complaint I had made about having him because at that point I didn't know what was going to happen to him.

After that day, I made an effort not to be a complaining mother. Now let me give a disclaimer right now - this does not mean that I have never complained since. Oh contraire, mon frere! I have done my share! But I do try to accept the role God has given me and I make a point not to get into complaining-fests with other moms.

Afterall, how would I feel if my husband and kids complained about me to their friends? They would have plenty to say, but boy would it make me sad! And what purpose would it serve?

Philippians 2:14 says,

"Do all things without grumbling or questioning."

The NIV says,

"Do everything without complaining or arguing."

So how am I to be transparent about the fact that there are struggles going on in the Wagner house without tearing everyone down in the process? Because let me tell you, my family comes first. If everyone else has to be left wondering in order to protect my family, so be it. However, I did want to find an answer. So Roddy and I talked about this several times and finally came to the conclusion that we could/should freely share our own personal failures but there is not a need to share our kids failures.

Legos

Can you ever have too many Legos? Not in our house! We love them. I mostly like sorting and organizing them but Daddy and the kids love building with them. They love the kits and they love designing their own.
Daddy is the resident Lego genius with a bunch a little prodigies following in his footsteps. Here are just a few of the models cooked up by Daddy's imagination.Iris made these...

...while Gray built a toll booth.

Loving Discipline

I wanted to give another example of punishing v. disciplining our children because not all situations are to be handled with a spanking.

Spankings are reserved for instances where your child willfully chooses to disobey you. In other words, you ask them to not do something and they do it anyway, or you ask them to do something and they don't do it right away, all the way, and cheerfully.

Spankings are not to be used as discipline for childishness or thoughtlessness or for kids 12 and older. Spilling something at the table because they are playing around = childishness. Leaving the back door open when they run out to play = thoughtlessness.

When your child just isn't thinking and is not purposefully trying to disobey you, that is when you give a consequence fitting the offense.

When they spill something, patiently teach them how to clean up after themselves.

When they leave the door open, patiently call them back and have them practice going in and out of the door opening and closing it carefully each time. This is also good if you have kids that slam the door when they come in or out.

We teach our kids to take their plates, silverware and cups from the table after a meal, then have them ask what they can do to help clean up the kitchen. One of our boys was consistently forgetting to ask what he could do to help. He'd put his plate in the sink and run off. So we told him that from now on if he 'forgot', I would sweetly call him back and say, "Thank you for volunteering to clean up the kitchen for everyone."

Be sure before you implement a consequence that your child understands the standard or expectation. Surprising them with something new will only exasperate them. If you have a new rule in your house have them practice what you expect so you know they are capable and completely understand. Let them know what will happen if they don't do it and consistently follow through.

Also, be sure your standards are God's standards based on His Word. Manners are taught because they show love to others. Responsibility through chores and helping out teach our kids to be stewards of the time and gifts given from God. Obedience and honor to parents translates into obedience and honor to their Heavenly Father. Self-control is learning to say no to self and yes to God. Who doesn't want this for their children?

Again, the difference between punishment and discipline starts in your heart and should be for the purpose of reaching their heart. Is your purpose to benefit the child in teaching self-control and responsibility, love for God and others?

If so, look for every opportunity to step back, take a deep breath, evaluate the situation (are you dealing with rebellion or childishness?) and then apply loving discipline.

Bible-Time

After reading this post, Mrs. Schultz asked, "...do they do independent Bible reading or is that as a family/ or both?"

Answer: The kids who can read have their own Bible-time as part of their morning "chores". I use the term chore loosely because I don't consider Bible reading a chore. During their time, they pick what they want to read. When they come and ask me if they are free I usually ask them what they read and what they think it means. Sometimes I give a quick explanation if I think they need help understanding it. I have really enjoyed these quick wisdom lessons I get to have with them.

I don't place any expectations on their time. Sometimes they will only read one verse. I'm okay with that. This is their time. Sometimes all God wants is for us to focus on one verse. Other times, they may pick a whole chapter. I don't want someone dictating my time with the Lord so I don't dictate theirs.

After morning chores we all gather - even the little ones (who aren't so little anymore) - for Bible-time that I lead. Usually we sit on the floor in my room since that is where we keep the Bibles and the books that we use during our time. Everyone has a Bible to look up the verse or verses we'll read.

During this time we review the books of the Bible and/or the verses we're memorizing together. Then we either read from one of our Bible-time books, looking up Scripture to go with it, or I pick a topic that I think needs to be discussed and we look up scripture to go along with that.

Of course, I always end our time in prayer. I encourage each child to pray but don't force it. Then I pray last.


Books I use? Hands down, my all-time favorite is Wisdom and the Millers, although I love the whole Miller Family Series of books. We call it Miller Time! Hee hee!

Also, The Original 21 Rules of This House and Our 24 Family Ways are great.

Sometimes I'll read The Squire and The Scroll as we talk about guarding our hearts by guarding our eyes, ears and mouths.

If you aren't starting your day in the Word you're missing out. There is a noticeable difference when I think I can just skip it for the day because other matters seem more pressing.

If you homeschool, this should be your first "class." Someone said, "Well, we do devotions together as a family at night (when the husband is home)." Great! But you also need to start your day with the Word.

If your kids go to school, take time during breakfast. I have a friend who is adamant about getting up in time to have devotions with her kids before school. It can be done. It just needs to be a priority.

You will see the benefits!

Hand-Me-Downs

Gotta love 'em!

One of my summer projects was to go through all the hand-me-down clothes and shoes that I've gotten from my sister for Iris and from a friend for Emma. Both love to shop and have great taste. So I have a ton of clothes for the girls. In fact, I really don't ever have to buy them anything!

I also had some clothes and shoes from my sisters-in-law for the boys and Emma.

This is a picture of almost 200 pairs of shoes (this does not include the shoes in their closets that they currently wear!)This is the pile of clothes we are giving away! The guest closet is full of totes with clothes waiting to be worn.

Blessing for a Curse

When your children have conflict with other children (friends, cousins) how do you advise them?

Do you run to the other mom? Do you bad mouth the offender? Or the offender's parents for poor parenting skills? Do you advise them to just stay away and not play with that child?

Maybe you automatically assume it's your child's fault?

Non of these are good practices according to Jesus and His example to us.

In Luke, Jesus tells us...

"Love your enemies,

do good to those who hate you,

bless those who curse you,

pray for those who abuse you.

To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also,

and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either."

Paul also says...

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them."

Live is not fair. People are not always kind.

Children learn this early. How will you teach them to deal with unkind, unfair people?

Jesus gave us an example....

"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate;

when he suffered, he made no threats.

Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly."

What is our example to our children when others are unkind to us? Cut us off in traffic or the grocery line? Church isn't what we think it should be (I'm talking preferences not theology)? Friends don't live up to our expectations?

Something to consider when offended:

Check the beam in your own eye before you worry about the speck in another's.

Pray for them. And I don't mean for God to change them. Pray for yourself - for God's love to be manifested in you.

Forgive as Christ forgave you.

Bless them.

Teach your children to do the same.

Chore Badges

I did not come up with this idea on my own. Mine is the make-do version based slightly on her idea.

If you would like to get the original go to Titus 2. They have a lot of great resources. I highly recommend their schedule book as well.

Anyway...

Yesterday I used some old name tag holders to make chore badges. We have the same morning chores all the time but because we each start and finish breakfast at different times, we're at differents stages during the first part of our morning. So I often have to keep someone on track. I've tried charts but don't like having to use the ink to print them off each week or to check them.

These hang around their necks first thing in the morning. When they are completed they must hang on their door until the next morning.

Of course, for the younger two who can't read yet, I drew pictures.

This morning was the first day and it went great. I kept hearing Iris (4) going over what all she needed to do.

What do morning chores consist of in the Wagner home?

Also, each child has a day of the week that is theirs. This day doesn't change. Monday is Charlie, Tuesday is Gray, Wednesday is Iris, Thursday is Jay and Friday is Emma. So I also have another list that they will use to remind them of the things they get to do on that day. Here is that list (sorry no pic):

Bring down the laundry / Feed Goldie (fish) / Pass out Juice Plus / Pick what to watch during TV time / One-on-one time with Mommy / Get the mail / Sit by Daddy at dinner

Beach Trip

Before I post our Chicago trip I want to get some pictures posted of our Spring Break in New Smyrna with Tiffanie and Preston and their boys.


Thursday the moms and kids headed over. The dads joined us Friday afternoon.


Hanging out on top the Excursion.Iris, Day 2, zonked out...Getting ready to take a walk Friday night...
Here's the surf instructor aka Roddy.

Iris stuck with boogie boarding. The dads got the kids started on a dad-sized sandcastle.
The kids had a blast. We got nice and tan...and exhausted. Lots of fun memories were made, though!!