Wanna Be Part III

Here's Part I and Part II

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Friendly
Encouraging
Affectionate
Rejoices with the Truth
Serves

Teachable
Helpful
Ever Understanding

Loving
Overlooks Offenses
Respectful
Deferential

Loving - I Corinthians 13

Jesus told us the greatest commandment right after loving the Lord is loving others.  I Corinthians 13 not only reinforces Jesus' words and the necessity of love but also tells us what love looks like in action. 

And the love it talks about, has nothing to do with feelings.  Love is a choice on our part, despite our feelings, to be patient and kind.  It is a choice not to be rude or insist on our own way.

Overlooks Offenses - Proverbs 10:12, 17:9a, 19:11

Hatred stirs up strife,

but love covers all offenses.

Whoever covers an offense seeks love...

Good sense makes one slow to anger,

and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Am I quick to get angry or to forgive?  Do I hold a grudge or overlook an offense?  If I get angry, or hold a grudge, it's really just me being selfish and insisting on my own way.

I also need to be careful to take the beam out my own eye before I insist my husband takes the speck out of his. 

Am I choosing to dwell on the things my husband may do to offend or am I choosing to dwell on all the positives?

Respectful - Ephesians 5:33b

...and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

I recommend the Love and Respect book by Emerson Eggerichs.  Very eye-opening. 

Respect is another God-given need of our husbands'.  And it not to be given conditionally.  Ephesians doesn't say, if the husband loves the wife as Christ loves the church, then she should show respect.  Again, as with love, respect isn't about our feelings.  It's about our actions.

Deferential - Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

So deferential is just a fancy word (that fit because it starts with a D) for submissive.  Submitting to our hubbies is a command, not a suggestion. 

My husband says submission is more about my heart than actions or words.  Meaning: if I disagree with him over a decision he's made, but I appeal to him respectfully and with the right heart, I am still in obedience to the Lord.  But if I come with my own agenda and a selfish heart, or if I nag and pout, I am not obeying the Lord.

If he makes a decision that turns out to be the wrong one but I submit with a right heart, I believe there is actually more protection for my family than if I insisted and got my way. 

If you want a word picture for submission, go here.


Well, that's it - although not really.  These are just a few of the areas I wanna be a better wife for my awesome husband.  Thankfully, neither he nor God have given up on me yet!

Wanna Be Part II

If you'd like to read Part I, go here...

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Friendly
Encouraging
Affectionate
Rejoices with the Truth
Serves

Teachable
Helpful
Ever Understanding

Loving
Overlooks Offenses
Respectful
Deferential

Teachable - Proverbs 9:9

Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser;

teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.

To me, this may be one of the most important character qualities I'd like to have and see in my girls and future girls-in-law.  Because, if we are teachable, then we are willing to grow in all the other areas.  If we are teachable, we will seek to be more like Him.  We will desire to grow closer to Him.  And in that growing closer, we grow in all kinds of ways. 

If we are teachable we will seek out Godly resources that will strengthen our walks, strengthen our marriages, and strengthen our parenting.  We will be willing to go through trials knowing there is a purpose and benefit - growth, strength of characer, perserverence, perspective. (James 1:2-4)

Helpful - Genesis 2:18

Then the Lord said, {Who said?}

"It is not good {it is not what?} that the man should be alone;

I will make a helper {that's me, and you} fit for him."

This is what we were created for!  Oh if we could just embrace this fact, we would be a lot better off.  If we could silence the lies of feminism, we could be FREE!  Free to live out God's role for us with joy. And if you don't think you have feminist views swirling around in your head, well...that's a post for another day.

Practically lived out, this is seeking to put your husband before yourself.  It's finding out what is helpful to him.  And what is helpful to my husband may be very different from what is helpful to yours.  So, what's a wife to do? Ask.  Ask him what you can do that would take some weight off his shoulders.  What you could do to lift a burden for him.  And then do it cheerfully - just like you want your kids to do things for you - with a sweet attitude and smile.

Ever Understanding - Proverbs 18:2, 20:5

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,

but only in expressing his opinion.

The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,

but a {woman} of understanding will draw it out.

Do I try to understand my husband's point of view?  Do I try to understand his God-given temperment?  Do I try to understand who he is or what he desires?  Do I try to understand his vision for our future? Or do I just want him to understand me?  Often, I am guilty of expressing my own opinion without trying to understand his.


Part III to come...shortly, I promise.

Wanna Be Part I

"What kind of girl are you going to marry, Gray?"

"I don't know. Like you."

Oh, how I want to be the kind of wife I want my boys to marry. I want to be be the kind of wife my husband deserves and God wants me to be.

Have you ever thought about your future daughters-in-law? Do you want them to treat your boys the way you treat your husband?

Hmmm. Something to think about.

Have you thought about what you will teach your daughters about being wives...what the Bible says about being a wife? Have you ever thought that what you want to teach them may not line up with what you're living? I have! And I have some work to do!

Here is what I want to teach my daughters about being wives and how I hope my daughters-in-law are with my sons.

I'm using another acronym. I got it from Proverbs 31:30 which says:

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

...fears the Lord...

Friendly
Encouraging
Affectionate
Rejoices with the Truth
Serves

Teachable
Helpful
Ever Understanding

Loving
Overlooks Offenses
Respectful
Deferential

I won't overwhelm you with all of it at once. And I'm only giving a snipet of each subject that I would cover in greater detail with my girls. I'll start with F.E.A.R.S first.

Friendly - Titus 2:4

...and so train the young women to love their husbands and children...

Did you know that word "love" is the Greek word for a friendly love? We are to be friendly to our husbands. Do I treat my husband in the friendly manner that I treat my girlfriends? I should.

Encouraging - Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 18:21

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Our hubbies need us to be their cheerleaders. They have the weight of the world on their shoulders. They are going to be held accountable for us and the children. Are we criticizing or cheering them on?

I have been guilty of criticizing. Why would my husband want to lead in prayer or family devotions when I thought I could do it better and let him know how I thought it should it be done? What if I was just thankful for what he offered to us and let him know that instead. It's made a difference to be sure.

Affectionate - I Corinthians 7:5

Do not deprive one another...so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

All of our husbands need physical affection. It's really not just a desire, it's a God-given need. So what do you do when you're exhausted from taking care of little ones? One idea, schedule in a nap for yourself in the middle of the day. If I can do it, you can do it. Might take some training with the kids but it can be done!

Rejoices with the Truth - Proverbs 12:19

Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

Dishonesty has no place in marriage. NONE. Did you know there are wives who lie about shopping trips? Crazy, I know, but it really does happen. I know someone who once hid her new clothes in the dryer so her husband wouldn't find them.

Do you adhere to your husband's wishes with the kids when he's not around? Ever said to them or yourself, "We won't tell daddy." Not a good idea.

Dishonesty includes flat out lying as well as not telling the whole truth, sneaking or hiding things from him.

Serves - Mark 10:45

For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve...

Do we see the things we do for our husbands as chores, tasks, or do we see them as opportunities to imitate Jesus and serve?

Does it make us mad if our hubbies don't notice the overflowing trash and empty it? Wouldn't it be better to serve him and take it out ourselves?


Part II to come...